Please review my task 1

[Daayath]

2016-02-22_141717.png (216.75 KiB) Viewed 544 times

The charts present data of Australian household energy usage compared to emitted gas by each type of activity.

We can see that heating and water heating dominate the energy usage by 42% and 30% respectively. Those mentioned activities emit greenhouse gas by 15% and 32% in the same order. Albeit other appliances does not contribute as much as the latter activities in energy usage, it roughly doubles in emitting gas by 28% in term of number.

There are other activities that also contribute in Australian energy usage, but they are relatively small. Cooling, the lowest energy consumer, uses 2% of the overall energy and emits 3% gas. Lighting, the second lowest energy consumer, participates in energy usage by 4% and emits 8% gas. Refrigeration uses 7% of available energy and doubles the gas emitted to 14%.

Comparing the two provided charts , it is clear that Australian energy usage is dominated by heating , water heating and other appliances.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

You have included all the key points, but the language used is not quite so good. The problem is with comparing energy use and emissions. What you need to do here is look at using phrases such as ...
... relatively/comparatively large/small amount/figure ...
... which is relatively/comparably high/low [compared to ...]

Some words which are used incorrectly include albeit (delete), mentioned (aforementioned), available energy (delete 'available').

Many of the grammatical errors are associated with comparing, so tidying up that aspect will improve your grammar score.

All the best,
David

[Daayath]

Thank you so much for the review
I'll learn more