Please comment my essay and give me a brand score.Thx!

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Yolanda_L
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2014 6:32 am

Please comment my essay and give me a brand score.Thx!

Post by Yolanda_L »

Question: People have different job expectations for jobs. Some people prefer to do the same job for the same company, while others prefer to change jobs frequently. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.



Nowadays, people are all busy working and changing jobs. Because of the different job expectation, people choose different ways to work.

Some people prefer to do the same job for the same company. Because they seem to be more familiar with the working conditions and the boss may give them a promotion chance due to the long working time. However, other people do not like to be stuck in one job. They always thinnk that there are better opportunities ouside the company which can help them to achieve more. So they prefer to change job frequently. Usually, this situation goes with an increase of salary.

In my opinion, working in a company you know well is easier. If a person want to live a peaceful life without too much risks, staying in one company may be a better choice. But you still have to work hard or you will lose the job. On the other hand, changing jobs can be an opprtunity to change one's life. After a long period of working in the same place, you may find your life boring and with no color. In this situation, moving on to another kind of job probably give you a new experience. Although it can be challenging, it is still worth a try.

In a word, changing jobs is not a bad thing. But first you should have a clear mind of what you want to do. Then, no matter what the outcome is, you should learn to live with it and do not regret too much. It is just a life experience. There is still a long way to go and jobs are just one aspect in life.
allen_zhang
Posts: 362
Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am

Re: Please comment my essay and give me a brand score.Thx!

Post by allen_zhang »

Question: People have different job expectations for jobs. Some people prefer to do the same job for the same company, while others prefer to change jobs frequently. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.



Nowadays, people are all busy working and changing jobs.
not all people are busy working, more importantly, not all people are changing their jobs.
Because of the different job expectations, people choose different ways to work. You should make your opening clear! -- Some people change job very often and others like to stay at the same company for years doing the same job.

Some people prefer to do the same job for the same company, because they seem to be more familiar with the working conditions and the boss may give them a promotion due to the long severing time. However, other people do not like to be stuck in one job. They always think that there are better opportunities ouside the company which can help them to achieve more. So they prefer to change job frequently. Usually, this situation goes with an increase of salary.

You are stilling explaining the topic! This should be in the opening paragraph.
You are asked to "discuss both views". You'd better spend one paragraph on why some people like/dislike changing jobs.

In my opinion, working in a company you know well is easier. avoid "you" If a person wants to live a peaceful life without too many risks,(or too much risk ) staying in one company may be a better choice. But you still have to work hard or you will lose the job. avoid "you"On the other hand, changing jobs can be an opportunity to change one's life. After a long period of working in the same place, you may find your life boring and with no color. In this situation, moving on to another kind of job could probably give you a new experience. Although it can be challenging, it is still worth a try.

No one asks you should people change their work or not. The topic is that "some people like to change jobs and others don't". You should explain why some people choose to change and why some people choose to stay.

In other words, One word? Did you count how many words you wrote? changing jobs is not a bad thing, but first you should have a clear mind of what you want to do. Then, no matter what the outcome is, you should learn to live with it and do not regret too much. It is just a life experience. There is still a long way to go and job are just one aspect in life.


A few tips:
1. In academic writing, try not to use "you".
2. Read the topic carefully.
3. Read other people's essays more.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
Yolanda_L
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2014 6:32 am

Re: Please comment my essay and give me a brand score.Thx!

Post by Yolanda_L »

Thanks for your help. :)
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