Once again, I come to send you my latest essay!
Could you comment it and give be a band score please? Indeed, while rewriting it on the computer I noticed some grammar and vocabulary mistakes. Which grade would you give it, then?
Thanks!
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Public health has always been an extremely sensitive issue which was born by the Church or charity organisations in the past, and more recently by welfare states. As a consequence, there are disputes over the best method to adopt to enhance public health levels. Is increasing the number of sports facilities the best way to reach this goal?
On the one hand, it is commonly known that sports play an important role in maintaining people in good health. While it directly plays on our fitness, strength or appearance, physical activity also fosters the generation of endorphin by our brain, which is usually known as the ‘hormon of happiness’. Furthermore, doing sports is an occasion to gather with other activity members and to get a better image of ourselves, hence its social value. We must not forget that increasing the number of facilities might be cheaper than assuming heavy welfare fees that could be avoided easily if everyone was physically active. Diabetes or back pains for instance. Nevertheless, this is not always enough, as going to the gym is not always an automatism for everybody.
On the other hand, complementary measures may be necessary to improve public health. Indeed, sports are an efficient solution only when practiced on a regular and voluntary basis. And this is not always obvious! For that reason, education is essential to teach the population how to remain physically and mentally fit. This element is catalysed by the appalling fact that all health problems are not linked with a lack of sports. A marking example in wealthy countries is the presence of malnutrition diseases due to poverty and food quality. Dental problems, which are said to be a frequent cause of heart diseases, are not always freely cured by states. Finally, ecology plays a vital role in public health, for doing sports in an unhealthy environment could happen to be even worse than staying home all year long.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that enhancing sports facilities is not the only required measure to improve health. Without saying that it has little effect, I nonetheless think that it needs education and auxiliary assistance to be fully comprehensive.
360 words - 40 minutes
