Please evaluate my essay by any Teacher or Ryan

[supriya]

Please evalute my essay by some experts because i am going to write ielts on 10th of May,.

Even though globalization affects the world economics in a positive way,its negative side should not be forgotten.Discuss.

Do you agree or disagree.

In present age,globalization refers to widening,deepening and spreading up of global interconnection,It is commonly seen that spectacular increase in international trade and foreign direct investment in recent years.It is agreed that positive impact will outweigh negative factors.These argument will be proven by looking at how globalization playing a pivot role in the global business organization as well as how to help developing countries.
Firstly,the Multi- National Companies do business across the world,For example companies like MacDonalds can be seen on high streets in most cities,it goes without saying that how goods are produced in one country and sold in many others.However it encourages investment in less developed countires to reduce poverty in the developing world.
Secondly,many countries engages in the global production sharing,for instance global production of Apple iPod.iPod designed in the United States and assembled at China.Thus,it can be seen that many industrialised countries may offer opportunities for economical growth as well as employment .It has been proven that how this money helps to improve the standard of living in developing countries.
To sum up,I would concede that globalization does come with some adverse effect,Despite that fact,benefit created by it outweigh the disadvantages.After analysing this subject,it is predicted that we should promote globalisation and meanwhile the local government should take measure steps towards assimiliation.

[supriya]

Please ignore previous post. on same topic


Even though globalization affects the world economics in a positive way,its negative side should not be forgotten.Discuss.

In present age,globalization refers to widening,deepening and spreading up of global interconnection,It is commonly seen that spectacular increase in international trade and foreign direct investment in recent years.It is agreed that positive impact will outweigh negative factors.These argument will be proven by looking at how globalization playing a pivot role in the global business organization as well as how to help developing countries.

Firstly,the Multi- National Companies do business across the world,For example companies like MacDonalds can be seen on high streets in most cities,it goes without saying that how goods are produced in one country and sold in many others.However it encourages investment in less developed countires to reduce poverty in the developing world.

Secondly,many countries engages in the global production sharing,for instance global production of Apple iPod.iPod designed in the United States and assembled at China.Thus,it can be seen that many industrialised countries may offer opportunities for economical growth as well as employment .It has been proven that how this money helps to improve the standard of living in developing countries.

To sum up,I would concede that globalization does come with some adverse effect,Despite that fact,benefit created by it outweigh the disadvantages.After analysing this subject,it is predicted that we should promote globalisation and meanwhile the local government should take measure steps towards assimiliation.

[Flick]

Even though globalization affects the world economics in a positive way,its negative side should not be forgotten.Discuss.

In the present age, globalization refers to widening, deepening and spreading out of global interconnection. The increase in international trade and foreign direct investment in recent years has been spectacular. I believe (<-- use 'I believe' instead of 'It is agreed' because there are different opinions on the topic and not everyone agrees.) that the positive impact outweighs the negative factors. This will be proven by looking at how globalization plays a pivotal role in global business organization as well as how it helps developing countries.

Firstly, Multi-National Companies do business across the world. For example, companies like McDonalds can be seen on main streets in most cities, and it goes without saying that many goods are produced in one country and sold in many others. This encourages investment in less developed countries which can help reduce poverty in the developing world.

Secondly, many countries engags in global production sharing. For instance, consider the global production of an Apple iPod. IPods were designed in the United States but assembled in China. Thus, it can be seen that many industrialised countries may offer opportunities for economical growth as well as employment. It has been proven that this money helps to improve the standard of living in developing countries.

To sum up, I would concede that globalization does come with some adverse effects. Despite that fact, the benefits created outweigh the disadvantages. After analysing this subject, I feel that we should promote globalisation and the local government should take measured steps towards assimiliation.

Hi supriya

Your points are clear and I like your McDonalds and iPod examples because they make it easy to relate to your essay. Don't forget that there is always a space after a comma or full stop.
Great job!

Flick

[supriya]

Hi Flick,.
Thanks alot for your response and rectifying my mistakes, Even i did not know that i should keep space after comma.

Thanks once again.

[Ieltscrazy]

you have got good ideas relating to the positive effects of globalization, and essay overall is easy to follow, but I was just wondering if you need to discuss a paragraph about negative effects of globalization. Since it is a discuss topic, i feel that we need to discuss both sides and give our personal opinion.

[supriya]

Yes you are right!!
Same thing i got it on my mind after writing the essay, If i have to discuss both the points so i need to make it like this: 1 supporting paragraph with positive impact of it and another with negative, Some what i was confused. But some body said me that in ielts if we follow on 1 path like either positive or negative it might be easy to understand and to score good band.