Task 2 - Essay about People's choice in living

[pavneet]

Dear Scholars, please provide your review comments. Thanks | Pavneet


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Some people prefer to live in the same place most of their life, but others like to live in different places. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
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Life is like a river, known for ever flowing water - contiguously moving to unknown places as a result remain pious by keeping all the contamination behind. Similarly some habitants wants to relocate often than there are others who do not. In my opinion I will go with the former.

While many restrain themselves to a certain place thinking that it is the only world they belong to, not only possess a shortened view but also has monotonous and boring life. Therefore, their perception of life is restricted among comforts and daily chores of life, resulting deprivation of world beauties and adventures. All this might not cause due to their unwillingness but by low income and conservative mindset.

On the other hand, there are people who like to explore different places, for sure it require courage and boldness, however such people also reap it's benefits for example, more income, unique experiences and endless opportunities. Consequently they get blessed to know different cultures, languages and irrefutably new friends. Lastly such people not only explore the world but also contribute towards the growth of their state and country. Moreover they become self-reliable and mature individuals who can survive at hostile conditions.

In conclusion, a moveable person will be more focused and mature as compare with local habitant. In my opinion, he's a complete man who can contribute well to his community and country.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I don't understand the first main paragraph. Be very careful about using higher level vocabulary and long sentences.

I understand the second main paragraph, but fail to see the difference between living in different places and travelling to different places.

Survive at hostile conditions? Why? Why would people stay with their families in a war zone rather than leaving it? Why don't people live in Antarctica?

This is an extremely confusing essay. Vocabulary and grammar have not been used to create an effective argument which is directly related to the question.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

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Some people prefer to live in the same place most of their life, but others like to live in different places. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
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Life is like a river, known for ever flowing water - contiguously moving to unknown places as a result remain pious by keeping all the contamination behind.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) Similarly, some people choose to relocate often, while others prefer not to move. In my opinion I will go with the former.(<--Reword to: "Personally, I prefer the former.")

While many restrict themselves to a certain place, thinking that it is the only world they belong to, they not only possess a shortened view but also lead a monotonous and boring life. Therefore, their perception of life is restricted to comforts and daily chores of life, resulting in deprivation of world beauties and adventures. All this might not be due to their unwillingness, but because of low income and a conservative mindset.

On the other hand, there are people who like to explore different places. This requires courage and boldness. However, such people also reap the benefits. For example, more income, unique experiences and endless opportunities. Consequently, they are blessed to experience different cultures, languages and new friends. Lastly, such people not only explore the world but also contribute towards the growth of their state and country. Moreover, they become self-reliable and mature individuals who can survive in hostile conditions.

In conclusion, a transient person will be more focused and mature as compared with someone less likely to travel. In my opinion, he's a complete man who can contribute well to his community and country.