David Please assess my wrting

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Qasim
Posts: 32
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2016 11:04 am

David Please assess my wrting

Post by Qasim »

Some people believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history, should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects such as motor mechanics and cooking.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Answer:-
In this epoch of modern society, majority believe that practical education is far better then traditional education. People believe that technical education will improve the skills and become useful in bringing home the bacon, whereas some people believe that traditional subjects like chemistry, physics and history should delivered in school as compulsory subjects. I agree with this statement and we should educate the juvenile with some basics of evolution of this universe.

Giving education about academic subjects is very important in terms of building the concept of adolescents, subjects like physics and mathematics are used to build modern technologies. We should enhance the skills of youngster in building the machine but not as a mechanic. Furthermore, in my opinion, academic education plays a vital role in developing child's mental growth, because chemistry will educate about minerals and history will elaborate about
evolution of different technologies.

Providing technical education in schools will not help students to built their general knowledge, but definitely it will provide some operational skills to use the machine and same is the case with cooking food. From my perspective, students will earn one skill but they will not be able to progress in their career because they have no vision in terms of technology.

Having looked at both sides, I believe that academic education is far more important then practical education in early stages of schools. Although, one can learn practical education after completing the school. Now a day's, several training practical courses are available to enhance the skills.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: David Please assess my wrting

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

Epoch refers to a very long period of history, so you need to explain what you mean by traditional.

The introduction is as long as or longer than the main paragraphs.

Why should we train people to build machines but not as mechanics?

Education in any subject should lead to 'mental growth'.

Why doesn't technical education help with general education?

The sentence beginning 'From my perspective ...' makes no sense to me.

Many academic courses are open to students after they finish school.

Overall, I have great problems understanding this essay. Points are generally simple assertions without any evidence. Many points seem to be completely false.

Vocabulary and grammar have not been used to present a coherent argument.

All the best,
David
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