Can some please assess my Writing Task 2...!

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
Post Reply
shoaibyounis
Posts: 21
Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2015 5:39 am

Can some please assess my Writing Task 2...!

Post by shoaibyounis »

Topic: Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Response:

Foreign languages like French, German etc. play an important role in the grooming of an individual. One can learn different cultures and traditions if he or she is aware of the local language being spoken. Language can be easily understood or learned at an earlier stage rather than later. Hence, it is agreed that children can learn a foreign language at primary school instead of secondary level. Child's mind is more open at younger age and can understand more than one language. Similarly, teaching children the basics of any language is easier at younger age.

As mentioned above, children's mind is more open to new concepts at a younger age rather than later. For example, a kid of age between three to five years can grasp new words quickly because he is new to the world of words. That is why most of the educational institutions prefer kids to learn multiple languages starting from nursery. Hence, it is better for kids to learn more international languages at a younger age.

Similarly, giving a new concept to a younger kid is more easier than sharing it with a secondary school boy. For instance, you can teach a student the basics of any foreign language at an earlier stage while this is difficult task for students who already have a lot of work load in their secondary school. As we can see that again giving concept at an earlier stage of school is easier than later.

After analyzing the concept of openness of mind and giving new vocabulary at a younger age it is evident that teaching a language at younger age is more beneficial than later stages of school. It is believed that learning multiple languages will be made a mandatory part of the course having full time grading system in near future.
Teacher
Posts: 75
Joined: Sun Sep 20, 2015 5:15 am

Re: Can some please assess my Writing Task 2...!

Post by Teacher »

Dear Shoaibyounis

You must answer the question to get good marks.
The question is: do the advantages of learning foreign languages at primary outweigh the disadvantages? No matter you think (whether you think they do, or they don’t) you need to mention BOTH (advantages and disadvantages) because you have to justify your position.
You also need to have a well-organised essay. One suggested approach would be:
Introduction: Paraphrase the question and state your position (this is whether YOU think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages).
Body: If you agree, then the first paragraph should be the disadvantages of learning a language at primary rather than secondary level. Say what they are and give examples. The second paragraph should be a contrast paragraph saying that, on the other hand, there are a whole host of advantages. Say what they are and give examples.
Conclusion: Summarize your position by referring to the fact that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages which reiterates your position at the start.
Overall, you have a grasp of grammar and some good vocabulary with a few lapses in grammatical accuracy and register, but your arguments lack focus and your essay lacks organisation.
Good luck and keep practising!
5.5-6.0
Kind regards
Teacher Jill
User avatar
lingxia
Posts: 28
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 3:55 pm
Location: Melbourne
Contact:

Re: Can some please assess my Writing Task 2...!

Post by lingxia »

1.png
1.png (36.72 KiB) Viewed 1059 times
2.png
2.png (25.54 KiB) Viewed 1059 times
In the end, we will be judged by the courage of our hearts
User avatar
lingxia
Posts: 28
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 3:55 pm
Location: Melbourne
Contact:

Re: Can some please assess my Writing Task 2...!

Post by lingxia »

I put my own essay here for your review. it is not a model essay though.

It is undeniable that being able to speak a foreign language is an essential element of individual and social development. Some people therefore suggest that children should be given language lessons as early as possible. I fundamentally agree with this statement for following reasons.
Admittedly, it is generally acknowledged that the best stage to acquire language skills always begins at one’s childhood as scientific evidence has proved us that only young children possess a unique memory pattern that is designed for learning rote knowledge such as new vocabulary and sentences. As a matter of fact, those young pupils are able to master a foreign language faster than their counterparts in secondary school. Moreover, the youth also have a sharper sense of hearing in comparison with adolescences, which helps them to quickly distinguish even a slight change of pronunciation and intonation of a word.
However, this does not mean encouraging children to learn a second language in primary school is without its own downsides. Some educators believe that studying a second language exerts heavy burdens on young children who are not developmentally ready to handle such stress. As a result, some pupils may feel frustrated with learning and lose interest in their studying altogether. From the perspective of schools, introducing a new curriculum for students appears to be costly as a considerable amount of money is needed to train teachers, buy text books and pay for administration fees.
In conclusion, it is clear that learning a second language in primary school will be beneficial for those who need to use this language late in their adulthood as young children have innate abilities to quickly grasp most of what they hear or see. Nevertheless, if such abilities are overused in children’s early age, it will only cause negative influence on their studying. (conditionals)

Words 297/44’18
BAND SCORE:
TA: 7
CC: 7.5
L: 7.5
G: 7
In the end, we will be judged by the courage of our hearts
Post Reply