Please kindly assess my task2-online doctors

[jennylfm]

an increasing number of people are choosing to see doctors online instead of hospitals. do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Currently, increasingly, numerous people prefer to see doctors online rather than hospitals. Not surprisingly, it can bring about a lot of benefits to people’s life in terms of conveniences as well as problems.However, it is felt that its disadvantages outweigh its merits.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that seeing doctors online is more convenient and efficient compared with going to hospital. Take singapore for example, commonly it takes at least half day for people to see the doctor on hospital. For vast majority of people, it is really time-consuming. However, when seeing doctors online, it is not necessary to spend much time on transportation and waste time on waiting for doctors, which means that it can save much invaluable time for people. So, it is more effective for this point of view.

However, there are a number of critical drawbacks for seeing doctors online. First of all, it is common in poor control for online doctors, which could pose people’s health and life at serious risk. For instance, generally there are no any authorial institutions to check their medical qualifications and whether they are eligible to treat patients. These unqualified doctors could pose a serious threat on people’s wellbeing. Moreover, most of diagnosis are heavily dependent on doctor’s clinical experiences as well as the help of medical facilities such as CT scan and blood analysis. But for online doctors, They are unreliable because of their untrustful experiences and backgrounds. Therefore, one minor wrong diagnosis can put people’s health and life on very dangerous and risky situation.

In conclusion, seeing doctors online is very convenient. However, it also brings about enormous negative influences, sometime can endanger people’s life. Thus, it is believed that its disadvantages outweigh its benefits. It is recommended that people should go to hospital to see the doctor for the sake of their own health.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Jenny!

Introduction - Basically good, but I ma beginning to hate this "it is felt" phrase! Who by?

First main paragraph - Maybe it takes such a long time to see doctors because they are doing the work online? The general point, though, is correct, especially when we take into account travel time.

Second main paragraph - NO institutions? Why can't the institutions that check regular doctors also check the online doctors. If I can set up a website, I'm sure governments can. Why are online doctors unreliable? Do regular doctors ALWAYS make the right diagnosis?

Overall, the arguments are VERY general and may not be true (certainly not entirely true). Use of language is quite limited as a result.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

an increasing number of people are choosing to see doctors online instead of hospitals. do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Currently, increasingly, numerous people prefer to see doctors online rather than in hospitals. Not surprisingly, this can bring about a lot of benefits to people’s life in terms of convenience. It can also cause problems. However, it is felt that the disadvantages outweigh the merits.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that seeing doctors online is more convenient and efficient compared with going to hospital. Take Singapore for example. Commonly it takes at least half a day for people to see the doctor at the hospital. For the vast majority of people, it is really time-consuming. However, when seeing doctors online, it is not necessary to spend much time on transportation and waste time on waiting for doctors, which means that it can save much invaluable time for people. So, it is more effective for this point of view.

However, there are a number of critical drawbacks for seeing doctors online. First of all, it is common in poor control for online doctors, which could pose people’s health and life at serious risk.(<--Reword to: "First of all, there is little regulation for online doctors, which could put people at serious risk.") For instance, generally there are no any authorial institutions to check their medical qualifications and whether they are eligible to treat patients. These unqualified doctors could pose a serious threat to people’s well-being. Moreover, most diagnoses are heavily dependent on the doctor’s clinical experiences as well as the help of medical facilities such as CT scan and blood analysis. But for online doctors, they are unreliable because of their unknown experiences and backgrounds. Therefore, one minor wrong diagnosis can put people’s health and life in a very dangerous and risky situation.

In conclusion, seeing doctors online is very convenient. However, it also brings about enormous negative influences, which might endanger people’s lives. Thus, it is believed that its disadvantages outweigh its benefits. It is recommended that people should go to hospital to see the doctor in person for the sake of their own health.