please review my GT task 2

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
Post Reply
DJvj
Posts: 148
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 9:06 am

please review my GT task 2

Post by DJvj »

Topic :-

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.
What are the advantages of and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

************

Childhood is an integral phase in the human life. Every Parent wants their child to enjoy the childhood by playing with ample of toys. However, some people think this can offer few challenges as well. Below essay will discuss both viewpoints before coming to a reasoned conclusion.

Play things assist in the overall development of the child. Firstly, it helps them in improving their focus as they get distracted easily in this phase because of the curiosity. Secondly, toys helps in improving the physical and brain development. For instance, an infant can play with the cup-stacking game which can help in identifying the colors and effective for his/her brain development. Lastly, toys can be tool for them to learn and improve their knowledge as well like by playing light games in science or sports.

On another side of the argument, it even offers some challenges too. Firstly, most of the toys are restricted to a certain age and use is limited once child grows up. For instance, a remote car is not much of use for 4+ years child. Secondly, even with the increased demand, the cost of these products are also high. Lastly, parents have to ensure that quality of the product is good and a buy a suitable product for the age so that it should not affect their child's health and used effectively.

To conclude, toys can help in the growth as it's a critical phase . However, Parents have to be sure of it child plays with them and later on can share it with the needy children or siblings rather than just storing it.
VadimKlimenko
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2016 7:20 pm

Re: please review my GT task 2

Post by VadimKlimenko »

Dear DJvj,

I also yesterday wrote the essay on this topic from IELTS10, Test B ;)

Please find couple of my suggestions, which hopefully will be useful for you:

Firstly, it helps them in improving their focus as they get distracted easily in this phase because of the curiosity - please note that this your sentence is slightly confusing. If children are easily distracted, then how large number of toys could improve their focus?

... toys helps in - > toys help in

For instance, an infant can play with the cup-stacking game which can help -> For instance, playing with the cup-stacking game helps ...

On another side of the argument, it even offers some challenges too. -> Alternative point of view challenges the argument that large number of toys is only good for a kid.

... and use is limited once child grows up - > and its usage is limited once a child grows up ...

the cost of these products are also high - > the price of these products is usually high ...

... and a buy a suitable - > and buy a suitable

... so that it should not affect their child's health ... - > so that it does not affect their child's health ...
DJvj
Posts: 148
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 9:06 am

Re: please review my GT task 2

Post by DJvj »

Thanks for the feedback.
User avatar
Flick
Grammar Checker
Grammar Checker
Posts: 1466
Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: please review my GT task 2

Post by Flick »

DJvj wrote:Topic :-

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.
What are the advantages of and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

************

Childhood is an integral phase of human life. Every parent wants their child to enjoy their childhood by playing with ample toys. However, some people think this can offer a few challenges as well. This essay will discuss both viewpoints before coming to a reasoned conclusion.

Play things assist in the overall development of the child. Firstly, it helps them in improving their focus as they get distracted easily in this phase due to curiosity. Secondly, toys help in improving both physical and mental development. For instance, an infant can play the cup-stacking game which can help in identifying colors and is effective for his/her brain development. Lastly, toys can be a tool for them to learn and improve their knowledge and understanding of science or sports.

On the other side of the argument, having many toys offers some challenges, too. Firstly, most of the toys are restricted to a certain age and use is limited once the child grows up. For instance, a remote car is not much use to a child over four. Secondly, even with increased demand, the cost of these products are also high. Lastly, parents have to ensure that the quality of the product is good and suitable for their child so that it does not affect their child's health and is used effectively.

To conclude, toys can help in growth during critical phases. However, parents have to be sure of the quality and be willing to share it with needy children or siblings rather than just storing it.
Post Reply