please assess my ielts writing task 2

[fasah]

Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the needs of society in which they are sold.agree or disagree.


Every year a large number of new products are designed and released by various companies throughout the world. Along with this process, the responsibility to market the product properly comes in to play, which is greatly achieved by advertisements now a days. It is then agreeable that marketing heavily influences the gross sales of popular goods, while the demands of society have little share in it. This will be proven by analyzing the technique to attract consumers by creating lucrative product images and promotional deals.
Firstly, the main aim of advertisement industry is to grab the eyeballs of viewers that are directly related to the product. For instance, in order to tempt children, companies employ popular animations in commercials of chocolates and other confectioneries. The purpose of this strategy is to make the product more appealing for first line buyers, which in this case are kids. Hence, parents are pressurized to bring cartoon endorded items and this in turn enhance the sales of particular brands.
Secondly, the introduction of promotional offers is also responsible for boosting business. Goods on clearence, discounted items, sales during festive seasons are all included in it as big examples. It is because general public potentially love to stock raft of such cost effective deals. Thus, these schemes can easily sway a person from thier daily shopping list, contributing indirectly to the turn over of that product.
In summary, the high sales of popular consumer goods are linked to advertisement as they validate the product and make them appear economical. To conclude, the high sales of consumer items has merely nothing to do with the requirement of society when suitable adverts are rightly supporting it. On this note, it is also recommended that the concerned authorities should regulate the product details displayed in adverts so that the masses can be benefitted.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello Fasah,
This is a very general essay that assumes every single person in the world thinks and behaves in the same way. The conclusion seems to be that people only respond to advertisements, regardless of their needs, which doesn't seem to be true. To illustrate, I haven't bought Coca-Cola for over a decade and I have never ever bought Nike shoes.
I think that you need to realise that people behave in different ways and have different needs.
All the best
David

[fasah]

Hello David sir,

I have just come across your post saying that never generalize the concept of your essay. Immediately after that I read my essay again and then realize it falls completely true for that. Thank you for mentioning it sir. I will definitely try to create logic in my writing.

regards,
fasah.