Please asses

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faruk079
Posts: 53
Joined: Mon Apr 27, 2015 5:00 am

Please asses

Post by faruk079 »

Question: Modern societies need specialists in certain fields but not in others. Some people therefore think that governments should pay universities fees for students who study subjects that are needed by the society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages?

Answer:

Education is deemed to be one of the eminent sectors for the development of a nation. Nowadays, numerous people expect that the government ought to fund the subjects which are noteworthy for the growth of the nation. There are both the pros and cons of this aspect.

There are several causes why this idea is not feasible explicitly. At the outset, in every nation the people of every arena are dependent on each other why a proper balance is indispensable for the development of the nation. Hence, if any sector is not appropriately flourished, it would definitely hinder the overall improvement of the country. Furthermore, the less funded students obviously will be deprived of several facilities by the government because of which they might go for a strike. This will not only impede the advancement of the nation but also will diminish the harmony of the society.

On the contrary, on par with the statement, several people believe that some specific subjects must be prioritized by the government for the development of the nation. For instance, increasing the fund on the subjects related to science and technology would assist the modernization of the technology, which will accelerate the progress of the nation. That is why, in many first world countries at present, government is extensively funding the research activities where the science and technology is comprehensively studied, researched and followed by the implementation of that knowledge in the industries of that country.

To sum up, it is comprehended that, such kind of national policy would have more drawbacks rather than advantages. Hence, every subject ought to be adequately funded which would attract the students equally to all the subjects and the society will be fortified in every sector as a result.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
Posts: 1371
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Please asses

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

There are 2 main problems with this essay.
First, you say that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, but you provide no evidence for this. In the main paragraphs you do not actually COMPARE them.
The main argument in the first main paragraph is negated by the fact that the students could not receive GOVERNMENT funding, but could still receive other funding or fund their education themselves.
Overall, these 2 points seriously reduce the score for task response.

All the best,
David
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