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David.IELTS.Examiner wrote:Hello!
This essay is quite good. you have presented good arguments with some development. Vocabulary and grammar are clear, despite some mistakes, and there is a good range of both. a range of connectives are used well.
If I had to make one suggestion, it would be to deal with the argument that many parents do not have time to do what you suggest (apparently!).
All the best,
David