Kindly assess my task 2

[tinalongmao]

We live in technological age, however, technology cannot solve the world's problem. Therefore, some people argue that we need to place less emphasis on technological solutions and more focus on other values.

Discuss the statement.



People surrounded by technology now, from entertainment to work. Technology has become a indispensable part of people's lives. While some people show a negative attitude towards technology, claiming that technology can't solve problems over the world, therefore, people should seek for more other ways rather than focus on technological development.

Just as it said, we live in a technology era, in which, people are tightly bonded to technology. Basing on the development of technology, people are able to enjoy a higher level of living standard like today. In other words, throughout the process of developing, people have been used to the way technology provided, even by which, there would be lots of problems occurring as the development and most of them are difficult to solve at the moment, but all of these issues brought out by technology could be solved only when a higher progress has been achieved to complete or even replace the previous one.

Besides, it's hardly possible for people to deal with a high-tech issue by expecting other non-technological approach, since at present, it is technology that dominates the whole world. It's impossible to abandon it simply because it cannot solve the world's problem. In fact, there is no such a perfect thing that could solve all of problems existing on the earth.

Overall, what people could do to overcome drawbacks of technology and to benefit from it by utilizing it to tackle more issues is to make the most of what we have reached in technology and peruse a more advanced breakthrough, so that a technology-based world could be ungraded further.



(Also, please give me some advice about how to arrange my structure when writing this type of essay, where the statement needs to be discussed.)

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

This is a very unclear answer. The question statement does not suggest abandoning technology (your second main paragraph). Another key issue, possibly related, is that you don't actually mention the problems that need to be solved. It is therefore impossible to decide whether or not technology can help us to solve them.

Grammar is quite good. vocabulary appears to be good, but since it doesn't refer to anything, it is hard to distinguish meaning.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

We live in technological age, however, technology cannot solve the world's problem. Therefore, some people argue that we need to place less emphasis on technological solutions and more focus on other values.

Discuss the statement.



People are surrounded by technology nowadays, from entertainment to work. Technology has become a indispensable part of people's lives. Some people show a negative attitude towards technology, claiming that technology can't solve the world's problems so people should seek other ways rather than focusing on technological development.

We live in a technology era, in which people are tightly bound to technology. Based on the development of technology, people are able to enjoy a higher standard of living than previously. In other words, throughout the process of developing, people have been used to the way technology provided, even by which, there would be lots of problems occurring as the development and most of them are difficult to solve at the moment, but all of these issues brought out by technology could be solved only when a higher progress has been achieved to complete or even replace the previous one.(<--I don't understand this sentence. It is too long and too confusing.)

Besides, it's hardly possible for people to deal with a high-tech issue by using other, non-technological approaches, since at present, it is technology that dominates the whole world. It's impossible to abandon technology simply because it cannot solve the world's problems. In fact, there is no perfect solution that could solve all of the problems existing on the earth.

Overall, what people could do to overcome the drawbacks of technology and to benefit from it is to make the most of what we have in technology and continue to work towards futured breakthroughs, so that a technology-based world could be upgraded further.