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Kamots,

Your essay could very well be a band 7, I am not sure. I am just very picky about writing ever since I started preparing for the IELTS hehe.

Regards,

Bas

Hi 1253453, Thank you for your comments and suggestions! What you say about the examples is interesting, I have been following English Ryan's essay structure and he recommends using examples in both of the body paragraphs. If I remove one of the examples, what would you recommend I say instead? I am...

Hi kamots, Your essay is very well organized and answers the task well. I have a few suggestions to improve your overall band score. 1) The biggest thing holding you back from a high band score is your grammar. I can understand what you are trying to say in most of your sentences but they could be w...

Anshuman,

Thank you for the kind words and motivation! I will keep working on my writing to improve it everyday.

Kind regards,

Bas

If you frame it that way, then I believe it did. Maybe I didn't fully understand Simons method before I took that exam but I didn't get the impression that specific examples and cohesion between the paragraphs are required for a high band score from Simon. I suppose if you study both methods and com...

No, I doubt it was Simon's structure that got me a 7. I know I wasn't using good examples in that writing and I could have improved my coherence and cohesion as well. I think Ryan's essays have more cohesion and is easier to write after studying both structures so I just wanted to let you know my op...

Hello all, I would appreciate any feedback on my writing and which band level it would achieve. Violence among young people has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. This rise moves in tandem with a growth in violent media. Thus, the conclusion can be drawn that violent media is the main ca...

Hi Ansh, Your essay is good, but it is missing specific examples in your body paragraphs. If you include those and connect them to your thesis, your task achievement score will be much higher. Ryan's blog and videos explain this very well. I would recommend watching some of the videos in this playli...

Coincidentally, I used Simon's essay structure on my last IELTS exam too. I was aiming for an 8 but I ended up with a 7 unfortunately. After learning about Ryan's essay structure, I believe his version is better suited for me with my writing style and I feel like his has better cohesion throughout t...

The best source I used to learn it was Ryan's Task 2 ebook. However, you could also use the videos in this link http://ieltsielts.com/how-to-maximize-y ... coherence/

Hi Danyocean, This looks like an excellent essay that would obtain a high band score. It is difficult for me to find things that could improve your score. One thing I can think of is including an outline in the intro and conclusion to improve cohesion between the paragraphs. Ryan does a very good jo...

Hi PrasanthKasturi, Your essay is well-written, you have most of the necessary information for the task. I believe this is about a band 6 essay in my opinion. However, I have a few suggestions that might increase your band scores. I like your introduction, you have everything you need there. I would...

Hi Terry, I am also aiming for band 8-9 on the IELTS. I am no IELTS tutor by any means but I will let you know about some of the things I have learned while preparing. Your essay looks very nice overall. There are a few suggestions I have that could increase your overall band score in my opinion. Fi...