My first writing task 2 in website please check and comment

[chadny013]

Writing topics : Many young people always change their job. What are the reason for that? Are the advantage outweigh disadvantage?
In today’s world people frequently change their job. This can be seen more often in young generation. It is argued that it can bring positive results than negative. This will be proven by analyzing the reasons. One is better opportunities and flexible work environment and another reason is attractive benefits offers by company.
Firstly, modern day’s young people have several opportunities from companies encourage them to change job very often. For example, In Australia there are several competitors in supermarket business where young people are warmly welcome if they have existing experience in same field. This example clearly shows that, companies are encouraging young generation to take opportunities, which is the one reason to frequent turnover. From this it can be conclude that, good opportunity encourage young people to change current workplace.
Secondly, attractive benefits of companies easily motivate new generation to move from current position. Take private bank for instance, they have several benefits for employees that easily prompt to move on for new job. Thus, there is an obvious link between the reason of turnover and benefits of new workplace.
On the contrary, it is argued that people with frequent change of jobs often get negative impact on career. For example, resume with too many turnovers can disqualify one form interview. Looking at this example there is no doubt that there are valid causes to argue against workplace changing mentality.
After analyzing the reasons, it is clear that flexible opportunity and attractive benefits are the main reasons for young generation for changing their job place very often. It has been shown why it has become more popular among young people. It is expected that the better analysis to choose right job can bring positive impact on life and can easily outweigh the disadvantage.

[andytruong1202]

Writing topics : Many young people always change their job. What are the reason for that? Are the advantage outweigh disadvantage?

In today’s world, people (should refer to young people) frequently change their jobs. This can be seen more often in young generation (don't need this sentence). It is argued that this has more benefits than drawbacks. This will be proven by analyzing two reasons. One is better opportunities and flexible work environment and another reason is attractive benefits offered by companies.

Firstly, modern day’s young people have several opportunities to work for different companies, which encourages them to change job very often. For example, In Australia, there are several competitors in supermarket sectorwhere young people are warmly welcome if they have previous experience in the same field. This example clearly shows that companies are encouraging young people to take opportunities, which is the reason for frequent employee turnover. From this, it can be concluded that, a good opportunity encourages young people to change their current workplaces.

Secondly, attractive benefits of companies easily motivate new generation to move from current position. Take private bank for instance, they have several benefits for employees that easily prompt to move on for new job. Thus, there is an obvious link between the reason of turnover and benefits of new workplace.

On the contrary, it is argued that people with frequent change of jobs often get negative impact on career. For example, resume with too many turnovers can disqualify one form interview. Looking at this example there is no doubt that there are valid causes to argue against workplace changing mentality.

After analyzing the reasons, it is clear that flexible opportunity and attractive benefits are the main reasons for young generation for changing their job place very often. It has been shown why it has become more popular among young people. It is expected that the better analysis to choose right job can bring positive impact on life and can easily outweigh the disadvantage.

[chadny013]

Thanks a lot for correcting me. But can u advice me what should i do to improve my writing to get 7