All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects?
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Over the last decade, the number of people who are obese has significantly increased the world over. Due to this there are numerous drawbacks to the individuals and the society as a whole. This essay is an attempt to analyse the causes and effects of being overweight.
First and foremost, unhealthy diet and lack of exercise are the major causes of obesity. People prefer fast food outlets or
pre-prepared meals compared to healthy home cooking meal. Besides, due to the nature of their job, many of them lead a sedentary lifestyle and avoid regular exercise. Take, India, for example, employees in the IT industry are target-oriented, so they spend more time on their desk, and eat junk food that often increase their level of Body Mass Index. Thus, it is clear that food habits and exercise act as a precursor for being obese.
The effects of obesity are often negative for individuals. Being overweight acts a catalyst for shorter life span. The reason is that the increase in body weight leads to many fatal diseases such as diabetes, respiratory problems and bone marrow. For instance, several studies in Australia unequivocally proved that eighty percent of fat people in their country are diagnosed with heart and kidney failures. They even declared forty percent of them may have reduced their life by at least 15 years. Hence, it is obvious that obesity negatively correlate to human life cycle.
At the end of the day, overweight is a very serious threat in all spheres of the world. So government should take some stringent measures to ban unhealthy food and promote physical education. Let us hope that the future society would be without any ill-fated problems.
obesity <causes ;effects >
obesity <causes ;effects >
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allen_zhang
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Re: obesity <causes ;effects >
looks like a good essay.
well constructed, no major grammatic errors.
what I found:
home cooking meal --> home cooked meal.
just curious about: where did you get the stories about those science researchs. and the name of those diseases.
From my point of view, some more generic examples will be better.
hope some expert can grade your essay. so I will know where I am as well.
well constructed, no major grammatic errors.
what I found:
home cooking meal --> home cooked meal.
just curious about: where did you get the stories about those science researchs. and the name of those diseases.
From my point of view, some more generic examples will be better.
hope some expert can grade your essay. so I will know where I am as well.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
Re: obesity <causes ;effects >
Hi Allen,
thanks for your comments, i keep that in mind.
durai
thanks for your comments, i keep that in mind.
durai
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
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allen_zhang
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Re: obesity <causes ;effects >
this is my version of essay on the topic.
All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects?
The population suffering from obesity problem is on an increase in many countries. I think the modern lifestyles are responsible for this.
Two lifestyle related factors could be the main causes of the increasingly serious obesity problem. Firstly, today’s life has become more stressful and competitive than ever. This leads to the fact that many people do not have enough time to cook at home and have to choose unhealthy fast food or processed food, which usually contains too much sugar, fat and salt. These foods are responsible for the obesity issue. Secondly, modern lives have become more inactive than before and this is another major cause of overweight problem. For example, children’s hobbies involve less outdoor activities, and adults’ lives become inactive as the modern jobs shift to sedentary office works from labor works.
The ever serious obesity problem has negative effects on both society and individuals. To individuals, being obese means they are more likely to suffer from many kinds of ills and diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure and so on. Their life expectancies are shorter than others and the quality of their lives suffers as well. In addition, obese people often have difficulties in finding jobs because overweight prevents them from being competent for some labor demanding professions like construct workers, farmers etc. To society, the growing of high risk obese population imposes a heavy burden on tax system, because more investments are needed for healthcare services to cover the extra cost for obese population.
To sum up, the changing of modern lifestyles leads to the obesity problem and it is adire threat to the well-being of individuals and the society.
All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects?
The population suffering from obesity problem is on an increase in many countries. I think the modern lifestyles are responsible for this.
Two lifestyle related factors could be the main causes of the increasingly serious obesity problem. Firstly, today’s life has become more stressful and competitive than ever. This leads to the fact that many people do not have enough time to cook at home and have to choose unhealthy fast food or processed food, which usually contains too much sugar, fat and salt. These foods are responsible for the obesity issue. Secondly, modern lives have become more inactive than before and this is another major cause of overweight problem. For example, children’s hobbies involve less outdoor activities, and adults’ lives become inactive as the modern jobs shift to sedentary office works from labor works.
The ever serious obesity problem has negative effects on both society and individuals. To individuals, being obese means they are more likely to suffer from many kinds of ills and diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure and so on. Their life expectancies are shorter than others and the quality of their lives suffers as well. In addition, obese people often have difficulties in finding jobs because overweight prevents them from being competent for some labor demanding professions like construct workers, farmers etc. To society, the growing of high risk obese population imposes a heavy burden on tax system, because more investments are needed for healthcare services to cover the extra cost for obese population.
To sum up, the changing of modern lifestyles leads to the obesity problem and it is adire threat to the well-being of individuals and the society.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
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andytruong1202
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Re: obesity <causes ;effects >
durai wrote:All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects?
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Over the last decade, the number of obesepeople have significantly increased the world over. This has brought numerous drawbacks to individuals and society as a whole. This essay willanalyse the causes and effects of being overweight.
First and foremost, unhealthy diet and alack of exercise are the major causes of obesity. To start with, people prefer fast food outlets and
pre-prepared meals compared to healthy home cooked meals. Besides, due to the nature of their jobs, these people lead a sedentary lifestyle and avoid regular exercise. Take India as an example, employees in the IT industry are target-oriented so they spend more time on their desks (why target-oriented leads to spend more time on their desks?, and eat junk food, which could result in increasing the level of Body Mass Index. Thus, it is clear that eating habits and exercise act as a precursor to obesity.
The effects of obesity are often negative for (on?) individuals. Being overweight acts as a catalyst for ashorter lifespan. The reason for this is that the increase in body weight maylead to many fatal diseases such as diabetes, respiratory problems and bone marrow (I don't think these are fatal diseases). For instance, several studies in Australia unequivocally proved that eighty percent of fat people in the country are diagnosed with heart attacks and kidney failures. They even declared that forty percent of them may have reduced their lives by at least 15 years. Hence, it is obvious that obesity negatively correlates to human life cycle.
In conclusion, overweight is a very serious threat in all spheres of the world so government should take some stringent measures to limit the consumption of unhealthy food and promote physical education. It is hoped that future society would have no ill-fated problems.
Re: obesity <causes ;effects >
Hi Durai,
I think you employ a fairly solid structure in this demonstration. I see healthy argument progression, solid evidence and several areas tying the essay back to its central position.
What is holding your writing back is grammar. There are several instances of awkwardly worded ideas. Grammatical issues are present in almost every sentence. These issues tend to be minor and do not impede the reader's understanding, but they are nagging signs that your language is not as developed as it could be.
Lexical resources are pretty good; however, there are moments when you use words incorrectly. For example, the closing sentence "Hence, it is obvious that obesity negatively correlate to human life cycle." is inaccurate. I don't think that you mean obesity moves in the opposite direction, more you mean obesity curbs or has a negative effect on lifespan. Something like this would work better: "Hence, the negative effects obesity has on human lifespan are obvious."
I would advise you to spend the next few weeks focusing on grammatical improvement. This will involve having someone (a native English speaking colleague?) do a complete edit of your work. Don't worry about your band for now. Band improvement won't happen until you address your grammar.
The above essay would likely score band 6.
I think you employ a fairly solid structure in this demonstration. I see healthy argument progression, solid evidence and several areas tying the essay back to its central position.
What is holding your writing back is grammar. There are several instances of awkwardly worded ideas. Grammatical issues are present in almost every sentence. These issues tend to be minor and do not impede the reader's understanding, but they are nagging signs that your language is not as developed as it could be.
Lexical resources are pretty good; however, there are moments when you use words incorrectly. For example, the closing sentence "Hence, it is obvious that obesity negatively correlate to human life cycle." is inaccurate. I don't think that you mean obesity moves in the opposite direction, more you mean obesity curbs or has a negative effect on lifespan. Something like this would work better: "Hence, the negative effects obesity has on human lifespan are obvious."
I would advise you to spend the next few weeks focusing on grammatical improvement. This will involve having someone (a native English speaking colleague?) do a complete edit of your work. Don't worry about your band for now. Band improvement won't happen until you address your grammar.
The above essay would likely score band 6.
[Please rate my essay] Re: obesity <causes ;effects >
All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects?
Obesity among people worldwide has surfaced as a serious threat to human health. It has increased at an alarming rate globally, especially during the past 40 years of human existence. The reasons and ill-effects of being overweight will be further analyzed.
One of the major causes of obesity is the sedentary lifestyle of people. For example, individuals working in the services sector are not required to exert themselves physically thereby leading to a predominantly inactive lifestyle, thus leading to corpulence. Another reason that maybe attributed to putting on excessive body weight is the bad habit of people eating more and more pre-cooked, fast and frozen foods. This is especially true of metropolises where people are so busy in their professional work that they do not find time to prepare healthy home-cooked meals. Sadly, more and more people are joining the bandwagon of frozen and fast food consumers, thus leading to obesity.
Let us discuss the effects of acquiring unneeded body fat. Firstly, it leads to some dreadful diseases like high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes to name a few. These diseases have been found to have a direct relation to increased body weight. They further put an excessive burden on the healthcare system and also decrease the overall quality of human life. Secondly, being overweight leads to a lack of physical fitness and stamina which reduces an individual’s concentration and productivity in personal and professional life. If majority of the population suffers from a lack of fitness then one can clearly see how it would negatively affect the productivity and growth of the nation as a whole.
To summarize, the problems of stoutness cannot be brushed aside lightly. As we can see, the long term effects of being overweight are detrimental for the wellbeing of an individual and the society at large.
Obesity among people worldwide has surfaced as a serious threat to human health. It has increased at an alarming rate globally, especially during the past 40 years of human existence. The reasons and ill-effects of being overweight will be further analyzed.
One of the major causes of obesity is the sedentary lifestyle of people. For example, individuals working in the services sector are not required to exert themselves physically thereby leading to a predominantly inactive lifestyle, thus leading to corpulence. Another reason that maybe attributed to putting on excessive body weight is the bad habit of people eating more and more pre-cooked, fast and frozen foods. This is especially true of metropolises where people are so busy in their professional work that they do not find time to prepare healthy home-cooked meals. Sadly, more and more people are joining the bandwagon of frozen and fast food consumers, thus leading to obesity.
Let us discuss the effects of acquiring unneeded body fat. Firstly, it leads to some dreadful diseases like high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes to name a few. These diseases have been found to have a direct relation to increased body weight. They further put an excessive burden on the healthcare system and also decrease the overall quality of human life. Secondly, being overweight leads to a lack of physical fitness and stamina which reduces an individual’s concentration and productivity in personal and professional life. If majority of the population suffers from a lack of fitness then one can clearly see how it would negatively affect the productivity and growth of the nation as a whole.
To summarize, the problems of stoutness cannot be brushed aside lightly. As we can see, the long term effects of being overweight are detrimental for the wellbeing of an individual and the society at large.