pls help thanks!

[rairaichan0323]

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. Some others say that advertisement tell us about new products that may improve our lives.
Which view point do you agree?

Advertising has become an indispensable part of our lives. Some people argue that advertisements encourage customers to buy unwanted products while many others contend that our living standard can be improved by this up-to-date advertising while there are certainly arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that the commercial introduce new products to us that can help us to increase our standard of living.

First of all, it is an undeniable fact that the advertisement makes our shopping experiences less time-consuming and more economical. For instance, the customers can simply receive details of the products by the commercials. This makes it clear; the buyers can quickly determine what they will buy. As a result, the individuals can benefit from these data and buy the most modern products which can meet their needs and improve their lives.

Secondly and even more importantly, though, these commercials have positive influences on the people who are pursuing a high standard of living. To illustrate, the technophile tends to obtain the-state-of-art products in order to maintain modern and highly technological lifestyles. Thus, this type of news can provide considerable up-to-date information to the users. It is obvious from this that our lives can be improved by the advertisements which can consistently give us the most update data of the new products.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that our living standards can be mended by the commercials. It seems that the advertising will increasingly become more important of our lives in the future.

[durai]

Hi Rairaichan,

Today i find some time to go through your essay

Advertising ( "advertisements") has become an indispensable part of our lives. Some people argue that advertisements encourage customers to buy unwanted products while many others contend that our living standard can be improved by this up-to-date advertising. (complete the above sentence, and start next one)While there are certainly ( "certain" )arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that the commercial( what do you mean by "commercial" "marketing people" or " manufacturers") introduce new products to us that can help us to increase our standard of living.

First of all, it is an undeniable fact that the advertisement makes (our shopping experiences less time-consuming)( wrong word form) and more economical. For instance, the customers can simply receive details of the products by the commercials( i don't know why you are so much interested in this word, it doesn't come by itself, may be " commercial flyers" or " commercial catalogues"). This makes it clear; ( what makes it clear? you have used semicolon, means you must have a complete meaningful sentence )the buyers can quickly determine what they will buy. As a result, the individuals can benefit from these data(" informations") and buy the most modern products which can meet their needs(,) and improve their lives.

Secondly (and even more importantly, unnecessary), though,(what is the purpose of " though " clause) these commercials have positive influences on the people who are pursuing a high standard of living. To illustrate, the technophile tends to obtain the-state-of-art products in order to maintain modern(,) and highly technological lifestyles. Thus, this type of news can provide considerable up-to-date information to the users. It is obvious from this that our lives can be improved by the advertisements which can consistently give us the (most, most and update doesn't collocate) update(d) data ( "features") of the new products.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that our living standards can be mended by the (commercials). It seems that the advertising will increasingly become more important of our lives in the future.

TR band 5, ideas are relevant but not developed
CC band 5 word forms and grammar obstructs flow of language
LR band 5 many words repeated , poor word choice

products 6
living 4
lives 4
advertising 3
commercials 3
more 3
standard 3
buy 3

GR & A band 5 mix of simple and complex sentence is visible but errors exist, some structures grammatical wrong.

overall band 5 to 5.5

Durai

[rairaichan0323]

thank you Durai!! may i ask you that how i can give a gd example for supporting my point. i found out that i have a problem to make a example. thank you

[allen_zhang]

The main problem of this essay is the task response.

See the topic questions:

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need.

You just chose to ignore it and never mentioned it in your essay.

For this kind of essay, you can not just talk about one side.

[durai]

HI Rairachan,

Please check my essay of same question

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=823&p=2642#p2642

Hope it might help, but this essay is not error free.

Durai

[rairaichan0323]

thank you!! but my problem is always dont have idea for giving a good example . can you share ur experience how u can give a gd example for supporting the topic. thank you very much!!

[allen_zhang]

Accept the idea that advertising can manipulate consumers to a certain degree:
1. Marketing always tries to attract potential consumers by promote their brand and advocate their products by making fascinating and appealing advertisements.
2. Consumers sometimes are tempted by these ads and buy something they don't need.

advertising help people in many ways:
1. it is informative. it is a good approach for consumers to find out information about products and services.
2. Help people to choose the most suitable products.