David Please assess my wrting thanks

[Qasim]

A persons worth nowadays seems to be judged according to the social status and material possessions.
Old-fashioned values such as honor, kindness and trust no longer seems important.
to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement give reasons and examples.
Answer
In this modern epoch, relationships are according to the social status and the values which were pillars of humanity are lost in these circumstances. In the past people build their relationships according to the people’s character and on the basis of noble virtues. Around the globe trend has been changed and people are more interested in relations which provide them benefit. However, I believe in this perception and will discuss this in detail.
In the last century, when there was no technology items available like TV, gadgets, computers and social media, people used to spend time with other people around them. They need friends to hang around, to play any sport and to help each other in any bad situation. Moreover, interaction required between people to share their problems with their neighborhood and they need trust and kindness to resolve these issues. In addition, previously people were not engaged in their jobs for the whole day and they are able to communicate with other people, whereas nowadays no one has time to build social structure.
Now in this modern era people are so much involved in technology gadgets and they do not have time to interact with their neighbors, friends and family members. Firstly social media apps like Facebook and WhatsApp involved people so much that they forget to meet face to face with friends and family. Secondly, people also become materialistic and they look for person's status before making friendship. They believe relationships are only to take benefit from others. As a society every individual should take the responsibility and promote moral ethics in society.
In conclusion, I believe, we are losing our moral values around the globe and we should promote these important factors through technology. Although as technology is evolving day by day and life is becoming tough, it seems difficult to overcome this situation

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Introduction - There is not much historical evidence to support your position, but ... When you say 'this perception', what do you mean?

First main paragraph - 'In the last century when there was no technology ...'? Really? People still do spend time with other people. Trust and kindness are still required, I and many other people would argue. Not at work the whole day? Oh, I'm afraid you really need to do a bit more research on that! No-one has time to build a social structure? This is becoming ridiculous!

Second main paragraph - Well, actually they do have the time and they do interact face-to-face.

You are not able to construct a clear, reasonable argument using, for example, modal verbs or adverbs of frequency and degree. Your essay is a list of assertions that are barely anchored in reality. As a result, most of your essay is meaningless.

Be much more careful when making points and do not think that everyone behaves in a certain way.

All the best,
David