Appreciate you help to assess my task 2 general training- Rise of global population

[leodibkk]

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time

What are the causes of this continued rise?

Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

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In recent decades, the world has seen a dramatic increase of its population. This is due to the fact that countries have failed to control the national childbirth and it is also a result of advanced healthcare development. It is also argued by many that this situation has become the biggest issue which humans have to confront. In this essay, the above causes will be discussed prior to justifying the thesis.

Firstly, national failure to control the birth of child is one of the causes for the increasing population. Take India, China, which have the most citizens in the world, for instance. These countries have not succeeded in putting their national birth rate under control. Since little sex education has been presented to the people, they do not know how to avoid the unanticipated pregnancy, as a consequence, more babies are delivered. This shows that unsuccessful control over child born can significantly rise the size of national population.

Secondly, the advent of medical developments can be seen as one reason that the population has hikes consecutively, people live longer and less infants have loosen their lives. The hospitals in Vietnam can be referred to as an example. Since these medical facilities are well-equipped with high quality medical devices which improve the quality of diagnosis as well as recovery process of patients, many diseases have been cured and several lives have been saved. This apparently is a factor that contributes to the rise in the country's population.

Additionally, it is commonly agreed that the consecutive climb in global population is the most significant problem with which the world has to deal. It is obvious to see that this trend may precursor to immense pressures on public health care systems. If a global pandemic happens, these system will be forced to handle a tremendous number of patients simultaneously. Therefore, it makes sense to consider the trend to be the biggest problem confronted by the world.

In summary, as have been discussed, advanced medical breakthroughs and inability to control birth rate are the reasons that lead to a continued increase of the global population. It is also argued that this situation is the most critical issue in which nations are forced to encounter. It is predicted that if governments come up with strategic plan to educate people on avoiding unexpected pregnancy, the population will not climb so dramatically or it will at least gradually increase.

[FastTrackIELTS]

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Task Achievement
This submission covers the requirements of the task well. You have clearly understood the requirements of the question. You explain a clear overview of the topic but could expand on the third part of the question. In this instance, you fail to fully tackle the matter of why it is the BIGGEST problem humanity faces and may benefit from offering comparisons to other problems that humanity must address and how and why the population crisis is a bigger problem.

Coherence and Cohesion
Your writing is formatted in a logical manner. You use a wide range of structures in order to address the topic and summarise your ideas well in the closing paragraph. You explain your points by using “Linking Words” such as “Firstly” “This shows…” and “Therefore.” However, please pay attention to the linking words that you use. Some examiners may consider “This apparently is a factor…” an incorrect example of cohesion as it uses ‘improper’ English.

Lexical Resource
You use a wide range of vocabulary in your writing and show you are able to use complex ideas, words and concepts in a variety of situations. You do however often repeat terms such as “It is predicted…” “It is also argued…” “It makes sense…” “It is commonly…” You may find that by expressing your ideas in a different way, you’re able to improve your band score and shower a wider lexical range.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Your range of grammar is generally strong with good uses of punctuation and verbs, however there are sometimes small errors in the ways that sentences are structured, these mainly involve the use of plurals (cat or catS). This can be seen in your opening paragraph: “This is due to the fact that countries have failed to control the national childbirth…” You would be able to argue that the countries have failed to control the national childbirth RATE.