Dear David,
I was wondering if you could let me know my band score for this writing. If it is not applicable to tell me my mark here, you could send an email to me and let me know about my mark there.
my email address: abbas.azarmehr.put@gmail.com
Thank you in advance.
abbas
Writing task 2
Nowadays, more and more people are having consumer goods like refrigerators and washing machines.
Does this development bring more advantages than disadvantages?
Nowadays, the number of home appliances sold in the world has increased dramatically. This trend could bring with it negative repercussions. However, it is believed that this is a positive development. This will be proven by looking at how refrigerators and washing machines could make life easier for housewives.
Firstly, using washing machines has many positive ramifications. For example, there is no need to wash dirty clothes by hands in a confined room. The younger generation of housewives has less affected by arthritis and Parkinson because they have not been forced to sit in a bathroom to wash dirty clothes of their families. As a result, the living standard of these housewives is higher than their counterparts who lived in 1960s and 1970s. This example clearly illustrates why possessing washing machines could have positive effects on families' health.
In addition to this, refrigerators could also contribute to families. For instance, the first equipment purchased for a home in Iran is a fridge. As most people would agree, all foods, especially fresh vegetables, dairy products and meats, would decay if refrigerators were not invented. This makes it clear that life without these electronic equipments cannot be imagined. This example clearly shows why refrigerators are integral components of families' homes.
To sum up, it is believed that the increased sales of home appliances are positive phenomena because it enhances the living standard of households and hinders fresh products to decay. It is expected that the number of consumer goods sold the world over would increase exponentially due to higher demands by newly-married couples in developing countries like India and China.
please let me know about my band score for this writing
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abbasazarmehrput
- Posts: 47
- Joined: Wed Nov 25, 2015 8:23 pm
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
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Re: please let me know about my band score for this writing
Hi Abbas,
I'm not permitted to give scores, but let's take a look at your essay.
Grammar and vocabulary are very good. Good range and few mistakes.
The question only uses fridges and washing machines as examples, so it's not necessary to focus on those particular items. You have certainly described the advantages, but I think that the question requires you to look at the wider implications, e.g. energy use and the rise of consumerism as a way of life, even almost as a religion. Therefore the response is incomplete, bringing you down substantially on task response.
All the best,
David
I'm not permitted to give scores, but let's take a look at your essay.
Grammar and vocabulary are very good. Good range and few mistakes.
The question only uses fridges and washing machines as examples, so it's not necessary to focus on those particular items. You have certainly described the advantages, but I think that the question requires you to look at the wider implications, e.g. energy use and the rise of consumerism as a way of life, even almost as a religion. Therefore the response is incomplete, bringing you down substantially on task response.
All the best,
David
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abbasazarmehrput
- Posts: 47
- Joined: Wed Nov 25, 2015 8:23 pm
Re: please let me know about my band score for this writing
Dear David,
Thank you very much indeed for commenting on all my letters and essays. I owe you a lot.
I should mention that I adopted the Ryan's strategy to answer this question. In other words, I chose argument style for answering to this question. The following essay was written by Ryan, and I inspired from this. Could you please make it clear for me whether this piece of writing would also be penalised for task achievement or not?
The advent of the internet has made it possible for people to work from home. Do you feel this working arrangement has more advantages or disadvantages? Share personal examples in your essay.
The internet has revolutionized the world in many different ways. Among these, it has made it possible for people to work from home. Despite many advantages that may drive from this arrangement, it is felt that working from home is predominantly disadvantageous to the professional. This will be proven by looking at how the home sets professionals up to be both distracted and unable to detach themselves from work.
For one, although working from home may be effective for many, most people are likely to get distracted under these conditions. For example, a former manager of mine once delegated a writing task to me and instructed me to complete it at home. When I went to engage the project, I found it difficult to stay focused in an environment I traditionally relaxed in, as a result the quality of my work suffered. My experience clearly shows that for people like myself, working from home is disadvantageous to productivity.
In addition to this, the stay-at-home worker often finds it challenging to distance themselves from their work, this can be mentally exhausting. For instance, a colleague of mine started his own business from home. Within first few months, he was receiving phone calls, emails and faxes at all times of the day and night. In the end, he felt forced to migrate this professional pursuit to a rented office apartment simply because it was taking over his life. As this theory illustrates, the disadvantages of a home-based job are numerous.
To conclude, despite advantages of lower overhead and independence, working from home has many drawbacks than favourable points. It is thus hoped that professionals everywhere think carefully before settling on this working arrangement.
Thank you very much indeed for commenting on all my letters and essays. I owe you a lot.
I should mention that I adopted the Ryan's strategy to answer this question. In other words, I chose argument style for answering to this question. The following essay was written by Ryan, and I inspired from this. Could you please make it clear for me whether this piece of writing would also be penalised for task achievement or not?
The advent of the internet has made it possible for people to work from home. Do you feel this working arrangement has more advantages or disadvantages? Share personal examples in your essay.
The internet has revolutionized the world in many different ways. Among these, it has made it possible for people to work from home. Despite many advantages that may drive from this arrangement, it is felt that working from home is predominantly disadvantageous to the professional. This will be proven by looking at how the home sets professionals up to be both distracted and unable to detach themselves from work.
For one, although working from home may be effective for many, most people are likely to get distracted under these conditions. For example, a former manager of mine once delegated a writing task to me and instructed me to complete it at home. When I went to engage the project, I found it difficult to stay focused in an environment I traditionally relaxed in, as a result the quality of my work suffered. My experience clearly shows that for people like myself, working from home is disadvantageous to productivity.
In addition to this, the stay-at-home worker often finds it challenging to distance themselves from their work, this can be mentally exhausting. For instance, a colleague of mine started his own business from home. Within first few months, he was receiving phone calls, emails and faxes at all times of the day and night. In the end, he felt forced to migrate this professional pursuit to a rented office apartment simply because it was taking over his life. As this theory illustrates, the disadvantages of a home-based job are numerous.
To conclude, despite advantages of lower overhead and independence, working from home has many drawbacks than favourable points. It is thus hoped that professionals everywhere think carefully before settling on this working arrangement.
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Evgenii Rodin
- Posts: 24
- Joined: Thu Dec 24, 2015 6:54 am
Re: please let me know about my band score for this writing
Nowadays, the number of home appliances sold in the world has increased dramatically.
- It is better to use "Over the past several years" or "Recently" instead of "Nowadays" if you want to use Present Perfect further on.
This trend could bring with it negative repercussions. - I would omit "with it".
However, it is believed that this is a positive development. - "It is believed" sounds too impersonal and obscure, I would use "It can reasonably be argued" instead.
Firstly, using washing machines has many positive ramifications. - I would name these ramofications, because "has many positive ramifications" is too vague for your topical sentence.
The younger generation of housewives has less affected by arthritis and Parkinson because they have not been forced to sit in a bathroom to wash dirty clothes of their families. - The wording "has less affected" is wrong.
As a result, the living standard of these housewives is higher than their counterparts who lived in 1960s and 1970s. This example clearly illustrates why possessing washing machines could have positive effects on families' health. The phrase " is higher than their counterparts " should be "is higher than that of their counterparts".
In addition to this, refrigerators could also contribute to families. - Again, it is too vague.
For instance, the first equipment purchased for a home in Iran is a fridge. - Your example does not seem to be connected with the rest of your paragraph.
There were some other inaccuracies, but I am tired, sorry.
- It is better to use "Over the past several years" or "Recently" instead of "Nowadays" if you want to use Present Perfect further on.
This trend could bring with it negative repercussions. - I would omit "with it".
However, it is believed that this is a positive development. - "It is believed" sounds too impersonal and obscure, I would use "It can reasonably be argued" instead.
Firstly, using washing machines has many positive ramifications. - I would name these ramofications, because "has many positive ramifications" is too vague for your topical sentence.
The younger generation of housewives has less affected by arthritis and Parkinson because they have not been forced to sit in a bathroom to wash dirty clothes of their families. - The wording "has less affected" is wrong.
As a result, the living standard of these housewives is higher than their counterparts who lived in 1960s and 1970s. This example clearly illustrates why possessing washing machines could have positive effects on families' health. The phrase " is higher than their counterparts " should be "is higher than that of their counterparts".
In addition to this, refrigerators could also contribute to families. - Again, it is too vague.
For instance, the first equipment purchased for a home in Iran is a fridge. - Your example does not seem to be connected with the rest of your paragraph.
There were some other inaccuracies, but I am tired, sorry.
Re: please let me know about my band score for this writing
abbasazarmehrput wrote: Writing task 2
Nowadays, more and more people are having consumer goods like refrigerators and washing machines.
Does this development bring more advantages than disadvantages?
Nowadays, the number of home appliances sold in the world has increased dramatically. This trend could bring with it negative repercussions. However, it is believed that this is a positive development. This will be proven by looking at how refrigerators and washing machines could make life easier for housewives.
Firstly, using washing machines has many positive ramifications. For example, there is no need to wash dirty clothes by hand in a confined room. The younger generation of housewives is less affected by arthritis and Parkinson's disease because they have not been forced to sit in a bathroom to wash dirty clothes for their families. As a result, the living standard of these housewives is higher than their counterparts who lived in the 1960s and 1970s. This example clearly illustrates why possessing a washing machine could have positive effects on a family's health.
In addition to this, refrigerators also benefit families. For instance, the first appliance purchased for a home in Iran is a fridge. As most people would agree, all foods, especially fresh vegetables, dairy products and meats, decay quickly when not kept cold. This makes it clear that life without these electronic appliances cannot be imagined. This example clearly shows why refrigerators are integral components of families' homes.
To sum up, it is believed that the increased sales of home appliances are a positive phenomena because it enhances the living standard of households and hinders food waste. It is expected that the number of consumer goods sold the world over will increase exponentially due to higher demands by newly-married couples in developing countries like India and China.