please assess my ielts writing task 2

[fasah]

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills & ways of life die out. It is pointless to try & keep them alive. Agree or disagree?

Nowadays technology has advanced at a very rapid pace with its application sprawling in almost every domain. Infact, the sheer dependency on technology has produced a significant impact on life style making traditional skills quite obsolete. Some argue that such progression will kill the traditional skills & at one moment it would be a waste to preserve them. However, I believe that they will continue to exist by providing alternatives to modern ways of life & being source of innovative ideas for modern technology.
FIrstly, the traditional ways of life serves as a great substitute to the homogeneity brought in the lives of people following modern technology. For instance, the launch of hand embrioded clothes by any franchise can be a breath of fresh air among all competitors offering regular printed clothes. Unfortunately this change can't be felt on regular basis. Thus it can be seen clearly that conventional skills add diversity to existing ways of life.
Secondly, conventional skills provide unique ideas to the development of modern technologies. For example, many industries are boosting their business by simply picking up inspiration from legacy methods & ingrediants employed in preparing skin fairness formulas at homes. This rise in their sales have also increased the demand to preserve traditional method. There is no doubt that traditional methods will continue to thrive by any means.
In summary, traditional skills not only multiply the choices but also cater creative ideas to globalization of modern technology. Thus it is cleared that technology can never over rule conventional ways of life & they will continue to persist. However, after analising this controversial issue it is also predicted that technological evolution is inevitable & will definitely impact traditional skills but some surely will continue to offer their roles.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello Fasah,
You'll be pleased to hear that I think this is a very good essay! I think that you have picked up on the 2 main arguments and provided good examples. Vocabulary is both of a high standard and clear. You might want to check your essay for some basic mistakes and/or cut down the length of a few sentences.
All the best,
David

[fasah]

hello David sir,

thank you for your response.

sir, I have a query regarding the use of personal pronouns in the essay. Most of the times it is very difficult for me to avoid myself using "them" while referring to any object. Is it perfectly ok to do in academic task?

regards,
fasah.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Fasah,
Generally, use referencing words such as he/she/it/they/these/those - or even 'we' - throughout the essay (T2), but remember that the conclusion should present a personal opinion, so use 'I' there. Try not to use the same referencing words all the time, but some repetition is inevitable.
All the best,
David