In some cultures, children are expected to follow very strict rules of behaviour. In other cultures, children are allowed to do almost anything they want. What are the merits of each opinion? What is your position on the matter? Include relevant examples in your response.
Clearly, the way children are asked to behave is strongly depended on the country where they live. Some nations prefer clear rules and their youngest have to obey them. Other countries allow their kids to do what they want and leave them completely free. Both ideas have their advantages.
Firstly, the more rigid way. By offering a strict pattern of expectations and creating clear rules children get used to discipline. They will experience that when they listen to their parents and obey the teacher they will reach something. When this is taught in childhood they will use this skill as an adult. As a result they will do better at school and it will be easier to stay focused on their study. A better study will give them more career opportunities.
However, allowing children to do what they want has also its advantages. In this way children are given the opportunity to develop creativity. When children are not told what they should do, they will experiment. Experimenting means learning by trial and error. This encourages their ability to be creative and teaches them that they can do things their selves. For example when a child after many attempts eventually manages to repair a bike’s tire, it is a major boost for its self esteem.
In conclusion both ways have their merits. Therefore in my opinion there is no preferable way how children should behave. I think it is strongly depending on the child and the situation. Therefore adults should adjust their expectations constantly for an optimal development.
Please give me feedback. Thanks a lot!
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SyntaxFox
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Re: Please give me feedback. Thanks a lot!
Hi pieter harms, thanks for posting. I’ve read your work, and I have a few tips for you.
Corrections are in red, and comments are in blue.
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In some cultures, children are expected to follow very strict rules of behaviour. In other cultures, children are allowed to do almost anything they want. What are the merits of each opinion? What is your position on the matter? Include relevant examples in your response.
The (<-- The word ‘clearly’ is an odd way to start an answer.) way children are expected to behave is strongly dependant on the country where they live. Some nations prefer clear rules that their youngest members have to obey. (<-- This was a little awkward, so I reworded it.) Other countries allow their kids to do what they want, and leave them completely free to choose. Both ideas have their advantages.
Firstly, I will discuss the more rigid way. (<-- Your sentence sounded rather informal. It didn’t explain that you were going to discuss or present an argument.) By following a strict pattern of expectations and clear rules, (<-- It sounds like the children are offering and creating the rules. I changed the wording to make it clear.) children become accustomed (<-- I chose better words here that are more complex.) to discipline. They will learn that when they listen to their parents and obey their teacher, they will achieve their goals. (<-- This was too informal, so I reworded it.) If children aquire this skill in childhood, they will continue to use it as adults. (<-- Your sentence was a little awkward.) They will also (<-- Most people don’t go to school as adults, which is what your phrasing implied.) do better at school, and it will be easier to stay focused on their studies. Better grades (<-- ‘A better study’ doesn’t make sense.) will give them more career opportunities.
However, allowing children to do what they want has also its advantages. In this way, they (<-- I changed this word to avoid repeating ‘children’ too many times.) are given the opportunity to develop creativity. When children are not told what to do, they will experiment. Experimenting means learning by trial and error. This encourages their ability to be creative, and teaches them that they can do things for themselves. (<-- ‘their selves’ doesn’t make sense.) When a child, after many attempts, eventually manages to repair a bike’s tire, it is a major boost for their (<-- A child is a human being, not an ‘it’.) self-esteem.
In conclusion, both ways have their merits. Therefore, in my opinion, there is no preferable way for children to behave. I think it is strongly dependant on the child and the situation. Therefore, adults should adjust their expectations accordingly for an optimal development.
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I have some advice for you. Firstly, watch out for your tone of voice. In answers like these, it’s important to be formal and to use complex – but not overly complicated – words. This demonstrates your confidence with using a high standard of English.
Secondly, don’t forget to use commas. They can help improve the flow of your writing by breaking long or complex sentences into readable chunks. Try reading sentences aloud or in your head. When you pause for breath, or you ‘hear’ a pause in your head, it’s probably a good place to use a comma.
Keep practising,
SyntaxFox
Corrections are in red, and comments are in blue.
----
In some cultures, children are expected to follow very strict rules of behaviour. In other cultures, children are allowed to do almost anything they want. What are the merits of each opinion? What is your position on the matter? Include relevant examples in your response.
The (<-- The word ‘clearly’ is an odd way to start an answer.) way children are expected to behave is strongly dependant on the country where they live. Some nations prefer clear rules that their youngest members have to obey. (<-- This was a little awkward, so I reworded it.) Other countries allow their kids to do what they want, and leave them completely free to choose. Both ideas have their advantages.
Firstly, I will discuss the more rigid way. (<-- Your sentence sounded rather informal. It didn’t explain that you were going to discuss or present an argument.) By following a strict pattern of expectations and clear rules, (<-- It sounds like the children are offering and creating the rules. I changed the wording to make it clear.) children become accustomed (<-- I chose better words here that are more complex.) to discipline. They will learn that when they listen to their parents and obey their teacher, they will achieve their goals. (<-- This was too informal, so I reworded it.) If children aquire this skill in childhood, they will continue to use it as adults. (<-- Your sentence was a little awkward.) They will also (<-- Most people don’t go to school as adults, which is what your phrasing implied.) do better at school, and it will be easier to stay focused on their studies. Better grades (<-- ‘A better study’ doesn’t make sense.) will give them more career opportunities.
However, allowing children to do what they want has also its advantages. In this way, they (<-- I changed this word to avoid repeating ‘children’ too many times.) are given the opportunity to develop creativity. When children are not told what to do, they will experiment. Experimenting means learning by trial and error. This encourages their ability to be creative, and teaches them that they can do things for themselves. (<-- ‘their selves’ doesn’t make sense.) When a child, after many attempts, eventually manages to repair a bike’s tire, it is a major boost for their (<-- A child is a human being, not an ‘it’.) self-esteem.
In conclusion, both ways have their merits. Therefore, in my opinion, there is no preferable way for children to behave. I think it is strongly dependant on the child and the situation. Therefore, adults should adjust their expectations accordingly for an optimal development.
----
I have some advice for you. Firstly, watch out for your tone of voice. In answers like these, it’s important to be formal and to use complex – but not overly complicated – words. This demonstrates your confidence with using a high standard of English.
Secondly, don’t forget to use commas. They can help improve the flow of your writing by breaking long or complex sentences into readable chunks. Try reading sentences aloud or in your head. When you pause for breath, or you ‘hear’ a pause in your head, it’s probably a good place to use a comma.
Keep practising,
SyntaxFox