Academic Writing-Task 2 review please

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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myieltstest
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Apr 03, 2015 8:33 am

Academic Writing-Task 2 review please

Post by myieltstest »

Could someone please evaluate it and give band prediction.
many thanks. :)
I realized after finishing it that it is too long, 399 words.

Question
Fast food restaurants heavily advertise their meals, which can cause society problem. Some people believe that this practice should be stopped while other saying that it is companies' right to promote their products. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
In modern society, junk food retailers strongly promote their meals to general public through many media. This fast food can range from beverages, doughnuts, and cooked meals. This essay will present the drawbacks of this advertising such as the annoyance to consumers and the rise in fast food consumption. On the other hand, fast food retailers are legal entities and have the right to advertise what they sell, and offer food which is suitable for modern todays lifestyle.
Some buyers argue that fast food franchises should not exaggeratedly promote their products. It is more than often that the retailers spam the customers at mall with the offering and discount information via cellphone. Many people think this is annoying because such practice waste customers' time and attention. Another reason is massive promotions tempt buyers to over consume. when consumers receive by 6 get 12 notification on their cell phone from doughnut retailer, it is hard for consumers not to make this deal regardless whether they have just eat one cheeseburger as the result of some kind of promotion strategy from another chain restaurants. Such overconsumption not only makes people spend more money, but also it might lead to serious health problems such as obesity diabetes and heart attack. Thus these facts make it clear why some buyers mind regarding heavy promotion done by junk food retailers and want it to be stopped.

On the other hand, some buyers think that it is fast food companies’ right to promote their products. Such buyers believe that nothing is wrong with the advertising since it is part of the retailers’ way to do business. Those companies are legal companies anyway, who make their duties like paying taxes and employ many locals. They also are able to make their produce affordable because they mass produce them. Heavy promotion is their key to sell this mass produced items out. This way, they can run their business and pay their duties. For this reason, some customers believe that it is the retailers’ right to advertise their food.

Over time, heavy promotion by fast food franchises disputed and supported my many people. I think it is true that advertising the produce is the companies’ right. However, fast food retailers should not annoy people and give consumers negative consequences such as overconsumption and health problems I believe it would be wiser if they stop their heavy promotion practice.
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Flick
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Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Academic Writing-Task 2 review please

Post by Flick »

myieltstest wrote:Could someone please evaluate it and give band prediction.
many thanks. :)
I realized after finishing it that it is too long, 399 words.

Question
Fast food restaurants heavily advertise their meals, which can cause society problem. Some people believe that this practice should be stopped while other saying that it is companies' right to promote their products. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.


In modern society, junk food retailers strongly promote their meals to the general public through many media. This fast food can range from beverages to cooked meals. This essay will present the drawbacks of this advertising such as the annoyance to consumers and the rise in fast food consumption. On the other hand, fast food retailers are legal entities and have the right to advertise what they sell, and offer food which is suitable for today's lifestyle.

Some buyers argue that fast food franchises should not exaggeratedly promote their products. It is more than often that the retailers spam the customers at mall with the offering and discount information via cellphone.(<--Reword to: "It is common for retailers to spam mall-goers with offers and discounts via cellphone marketing.") Many people think this is annoying because it wastes customers' time and attention. Another reason is massive promotions tempt buyers to over consume. When consumers receive a buy '6 get 12' notification on their cell phone from a doughnut retailer, it is hard for consumers to ignore this deal regardless of whether they have just eaten something else as the result of some kind of promotion strategy from another chain restaurant. Such over-consumption not only makes people spend more money, but also might lead to serious health problems such as obesity, diabetes and heart attack. Thus these facts make it clear why some buyers do not like heavy promotion done by junk food retailers and want it to be stopped.

On the other hand, some buyers think that it is fast food companies’ right to promote their products. Such buyers believe that nothing is wrong with the advertising since it is part of the retailers’ business model. Those companies are legal companies who pay taxes and employ many locals. They also are able to make their products affordable because they mass produce them. Heavy promotion is their key to selling mass produced items. This way, they can run their business and pay their duties. For this reason, some customers believe that it is the retailers’ right to advertise their food.

Heavy promotion by fast food franchises is disputed and supported by many people. I think it is true that advertising the product is the companies’ right. However, fast food retailers should not annoy people and give consumers negative consequences such as over-consumption and health problems. I believe it would be wiser if they stop their aggressive promotion practices.
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