Marriage Age topic--- need a 6.5-8 band !!!

[Andrin]

It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married beforethey are 30, as this is best both for individual and for society.
Do you agree or disagree ?

It has been a hot debate regarding marriage age of the human beings as this process is represented as establishing a strong bond between a male and a female in order to be a family and care for their children, until this process will repeat himself.Some people sentence their opinion that it will be advisable before 30s, to get married, but many of others stands with the opposite thought. So there are pro and cons divided with their arguments, from wich most important of them are outlined below.

First of all, a crucial important role plays personality of a specific person. As we came from different backgrounds, culture, religion, intellectual level, geographical distribution of population, etc, we can made decisions in different ways. To ilustrate, in my country, especially in rural areas people mostly choose to get married, within a range from 18-25 for females and 20-28 for males, based in a recent survey performed by INSTAT, wich is the official institute of statistics here in Albania. The people came from different cultures, religions, etc.

Secondly, financal situation and education indicate naturally. Assuming that someone might have good conditions and financial support, wich might came from his good salary or his inheritance wealth, this might ease his/her family creation and care in the near future after marriage. Furthermore, education might prevent many people to tye the knot, due to their extended studies. Obviously these two factors are touchy.

Finally, maturity is the key essential element to made important decisions in the right time and in the right place. Supporting the argument i would say that maturity is security, self-confidence, rationality and is a parameter to define a real adult ready for big changes, responsibilities and challenges.

To conclude with, Ihold the attitude that, it seems to be a matter of complex components with several indications from various sources wich coexist related with each other in different porportion , wich are crucial in decision-making for a marriage, like personality, culture, religion, tradition, geographic distribution of population, intellectual level or education, financial state, and maturity wich will lead to a good choice in the help of ourselves and community in the same time by creating a healthy base for the future.

Andrin Tema

[Andrin]

Please help me with an opinion about the band of my essay
Best Regards
Andrin

[avijit_05]

My thoughts:-
1."It has been a hot debate " looks incorrect - It has been debated a lot.
2. Intro first sentense is too long and difficult to follow.
3. until this process will repeat himself or process repeats itself ?
4. wich spelling is incorrect.
5. "First of all, a crucial important role plays personality of a specific person":-
First of all personality plays a very imp role.
6. tye the knot --tie the knot.
7.My view is essay has the key points but coherence is missing, I mean
is could be rearranged in a better way.
8. In summary there is no full stop , it is very big sentence.

[Andrin]

Thank you very much.