Please evaluate with appros. band score.

[faruk079]

Question: As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?
Answer:
Modern transports such as busses or private cars are the results of technological advancement of this era. Although private car has eased the transportation system, some adverse effects of it on the environment due to having increased number of use have been revealed. The next paragraphs will outline the necessary actions which could be taken to minimize these impacts.
Firstly, the government must strictly imply the rules of vehicles for private car users. Any car which is more than 15 years old must not be used because of having more carbon-di-oxide and noxious gases emitted from it. Secondly, the vat and tax must be imposed correctly because it will reduce the tendency of buying private cars more frequently. On par with this, I would mention the Bangladesh government’s rule of imposing 250% taxes on private cars which reduced the buying of cars.
After that, the government authority should make a rule of buying one private car for one family and advertising it in mass media additionally. This will increase the public awareness. Also, the publicity should be emphasized the drawbacks of using cars on surroundings.
Finally, the administration and private organization must come forward to planting trees and making the environment greener to minimize the greenhouse effect caused by the harmful gases emitted from various vehicles. Bangladesh government has taken such admirable initiatives to reduce such affects.
To conclude, I would say that the people of all ages and stages must come forward to help the government is this regard. Being irresponsible in this case, will diminish the future of the earth.

[abolik]

maybe in my opinion 6-6.5

however, the argument itself (which will not be evaluated) is very weak.

but the overall writing i think is very good

[faruk079]

Thanks for your comment. Would you please suggest me how to improve it?

[abolik]

I am not expert in English, I am also studying for IELTS however, see my version as just another writing perspective.
one tip is to avoid negative ideas

Recently, the tremendous number of private and public vehicles which are used in our cities eases our movement from one place to another. Although this benefits our comfortability, some serious effects on both health and environment have been revealed. In this essay, some of the suggested actions will be discussed in order to minimize the backwards of current transportation in cities.

Firstly, governments are the major contributor as they have the control of crafting the rules and policies. They must strengthen the current rules and procedures of placing new cars in cities. For example, they should always encourage people to have environmental friendly vehicles by considerably decreasing the TAX comparing to other vehicles. Moreover, they can also define the maximum time for vehicles in service. Simultaneously, the governments should provide reasonable alternatives for people to move from one side to other side. One approach is to establish a metro system in all major cities. Other way is to provide a timely accurate public transportation system using rapid buses and several bus stations.

Secondly, increasing the awareness of the consequences of the current situation by educating people through educational and social systems can lead to major shift of what type of vehicles people looking for. This will definitely force the industry to move to more environmental friendly vehicles to meet the customer’s needs. For instance, inviting the successful people such as actors, athletes or singers to support this idea will influence huge number of their fans to do so.

To conclude, I would say that the problem is not easy to solve without a lot of efforts from all parties. these efforts range from individuals to educational systems to governments and even to the international organizations. We must not be selfish and we must think of our next generation.

[faruk079]

Thanks.