PLEASE REVIEW THIS LETTER

[sanskar]

you have recently moved to a different house
Write a letter to an English speaking friend, in your letter
* explain why you have moved
* describe the new house
* invite your friend to come and visit

Dear George,

I hope this letter finds you in good health and spirit. I am writing to invite you to come and visit me at my new place.

My move was necessitated by a number of reasons. Firstly, as you are aware as well, lease for the apartment I was renting came to an end last month. Secondly, the landlord was asking for an unjustified hike in rent in the new lease. Lastly, to accommodate the growing needs of my family, I required a bigger place.

Hence, I have shifted to a new apartment at 50 Cedar Lane, North Brunswick. This is a two bedroom apartment. What I really liked about this place are the walk-in closets. Each of the bedrooms has a separate walk-in closet, providing ample storage space.

My wife and I would like to invite you to come and visit us. Kindly get back with a suggested date and time.

Hoping to see you soon,

Sanskar

[Grammar Girl]

Hi sanskar,

Corrections are in red. Comments are in blue.

Dear George,

I hope this letter finds you in good health and spirits. I am writing to invite you to come and visit me at my new place.

My move was necessitated by a number of reasons. Firstly, as you are well aware, the lease for the apartment I was renting came to an end last month, and the landlord was asking for an unjustified increase in rent in the new lease. (<--Change "increase in rent in the new lease" to simply "rent increase".) The move (I've taken out "secondly" and "lastly", as they make your writing sound robotic.) was also partially due to the fact my family is growing. Our kids are getting bigger, and we simply needed a bigger place.

Hence, (<--You've already used lots of language linking the reasons for the move to your decision. I would start this paragraph in a way that makes clear you are going to be sharing details about the apartment itself.) I have shifted (<--What happened to your family? I thought you mentioned you moved with them.) to a new apartment at 50 Cedar Lane, North Brunswick. It is a two bedroom apartment. (<--You should vary the vocabulary here. Instead of using "apartment" in each sentence, try "flat" or "unit".) What I really like about this place are the walk-in closets. Each of the bedrooms has a separate walk-in closet, providing ample storage space.

My wife and I would like to invite you to come and visit us. (<--This is slightly awkward. Your start to the letter makes no mention that the invitation is in part from your wife.) Kindly reply with a suggested date and time.

Hoping to see you soon,

Sanskar

Although the organization of the letter may need a bit of work, your message is communicated clearly. Mild awkwardness permeates most areas, though. Be careful not to sound too predetermined. Your "firstly, secondly, lastly" makes this part of the letter read as though it were written using a template.

I would gauge this writing at about a band 6 level.