Please help me improve my writing !

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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hoagdh
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2014 8:00 am

Please help me improve my writing !

Post by hoagdh »

This is my paragraph about the topic " Prevent climate change. Possible? "
Please give me any feedback, thanks a lot. :)

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Can humans prevent climate change? In fact it is certainly too late to stop all climate change and we are facing the impacts of climate change such as global warming, sea level rising, droughts, floods, storms and heat waves. However, climate change is not an on-off switch; they are continuing processes so we can reduce the effect of our life on the climate change and avoid the global further warming. Many scientists believe that we have to change our lifestyle to reduce climate change by doing some things easy, for instance, recycling, reducing waste, saving energy, and using mass transit instead of private transportation. In addition, we can do other things more difficult. For example, the government should increase the environmental tax which refers to taxes intended to promote ecologically sustainable activities via economic incentives. On the other hand, they have to extend projects which can invent a new renewable energy instead of exploiting a fossil energy. To sum up, our solution probably will not be completely successful but we should still try to do everything we can to decreasing the climate change.
Chi
Posts: 101
Joined: Thu Jan 16, 2014 11:21 am

Re: Please help me improve my writing !

Post by Chi »

Hi Hoagdh,

I think your writing is great. Your ideas are clearly expressed and supported, and you have a wide range of academic vocabulary. However, if you intend to take the ielts test, you probably need to organize your essay following the essay structure. If you are not familiar with it, you can watch Ryan's videos where he explains it very clearly. Furthermore, I believe in academic writing, we try to avoid using "we, you" to maintain the subjectivity of the matter being discussed.

Hope that helps,
Chi
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