pls rate :)

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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klarita
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2014 7:24 pm

pls rate :)

Post by klarita »

These days everyone seems to have more and more possessions (e.g. computers, cars, mobile phone, etc). Our strong desire to own these things is making us less aware of important personal qualities such as kindness and concern for others.

With the development of new high technological and the way it facilitates our life we all have become in one way or another addicted to have these products part of our everyday life. Like every obsession the risk of damaging human relationships and virtues is increased. In my opinion, this trend is dangerous if it is let neglected,
First of all, the desire to possess has always been part of humanity and it has a positive affect in everyone's life. It makes people have their own goals and the desire to achieve them. So, in my point of view this is not the main threat of this concern. Most problematic is the fact that people tend to escape reality by creating an absurd illusion that possessions like cars or latest mobile phones can give their life a better look for others ans can make them happier.
Furthermore, i would quote a famous saying which states "Best things in life are free", which reminds us how important is to stick to some traditional morals like kindness, doing good to others and loving each other. This would surround every human with such a peaceful energy and the impact would spread among others. Likewise, if people could decrease the duration of time they spend on technological machines and prevent them form becoming an integral part of our life, the change would be enormous.
In conclusion, although our life has become easier and faster by technology we should all stop for a minute and think where is this going to lead us. It is crucial for us not to forget that even though machines can replace people in many physical activities it will never substitute feelings that makes everyone loving life.
bridgetbones
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Nov 25, 2014 7:42 pm

Re: pls rate :)

Post by bridgetbones »

Task response:8
Well-balanced with all the aspects covered sufficiently(cause,effect,recommendation).
Coh and Coh:8
Lex.Res:7.5
Doing good to others seems to be redundant while a concise substitute could be found(caring for others).Loving life is clearly homonyms confusion(lovely life).
Gram and Accur:7,5
Word formation(high technological-ies),punctuation errors(missing commas),active/passive verb(is increased)
O:8
Mr Yank
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2014 3:48 am

Re: pls rate :)

Post by Mr Yank »

I beg to differ that the essay could not be evaluated with the score of 8 since it has many grammatical mistakes and the ideas are narrow. You should bring arguments which are coherent and cogent. According to my experience and evaluation, it would deserve at most 7.5
bridgetbones
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Nov 25, 2014 7:42 pm

Re: pls rate :)

Post by bridgetbones »

Ok.Grammar and Accuracy:7 O:7.5
bridgetbones
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Nov 25, 2014 7:42 pm

Re: pls rate :)

Post by bridgetbones »

Ok.Grammar and Accuracy:7 O:7.5
klarita
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2014 7:24 pm

Re: pls rate :)

Post by klarita »

Thanks for the feedback guys.
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