Please evaluate my essay and provide me a feedback....!!!

[harshaabba]

Every one of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples.

Nowadays, the increasing rate of children and adults are suffering from various health issue. Some people contend that excessive use of meat can play a detrimental role regard to health related problems. Others opine that by becoming a began can solve all these problems. In my point of view , vegans have more benefits than a meat lover.

First and foremost , eating meat on a regular basis may shorten lifespan of people. In line with meat consumption there is a growing tendency to increase risks of diabetes, cardiovascular disease and certain cancers. The studies have also pointed to an elevated risk of mortality from red meat intake. Meat contains a whole lot of iron which, when eaten in excess, can raise levels of iron in the brain and may increase the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease and type-2 diabetes.

In addition , Livestock production impacts the planet in a huge way. For example , drive a fuel-efficient car and use reusable cloth grocery bags to shop, you can further help the planet by cutting out meat as well. However , Meat impacts the environment more than any other food we eat, mainly because livestock require much more land, food, water, and energy than plants to raise and transport. For instance , Producing a four-ounce (quarter pound) hamburger, for example, requires 7 pounds of grain and forage, 53 gallons of drinking water and irrigating feed crops,

Morover , The animal cruelty factor is sickening. It’s sometimes easy to forget that the steak on your plate was part of a living creature. But the path from livestock to entrée can be fraught with unbelievable animal cruelty. From locking animals in tiny cages, to slicing parts of their bodies off without any pain relief, to genetically selecting them to grow so obese and so fast that many become lame, it’s by far the biggest cause of animal suffering in the world.

However , There are many reasons why people choose to go vegetarian or vegan. Firstly, Healthy vegan diets support a lifetime of good health and provide protection against numerous diseases, including some of our country’s biggest killers: heart disease, cancer, and strokes. Scientists have also found that vegetarians have stronger immune systems than their meat-eating friends; this means that they are less susceptible to everyday illnesses such as the flu. Vegetarians and vegans live, on average, six to 10 years longer than meat-eaters.

In addition, Some people become vegetarians after realizing the devastation that the meat industry is having on the environment. chemical and animal waste runoff from factory farms is responsible for more than 173,000 miles of polluted rivers and streams. Runoff from farmlands is one of the greatest threats to water quality today. Agricultural activities that cause pollution include confined animal facilities, plowing, pesticide spraying, irrigation, fertilizing and harvesting.

Last but not least , Vegetarian food is often cheaper, this includes both the raw ingredients purchased from supermarkets and meals taken in restaurants and other eateries. Meat makes up a significant proportion of a typical household food bill.

In conclusion , Well-planned vegan diets provide us with all the nutrients that we need, minus all the saturated fat, cholesterol, and contaminants found in animal flesh, eggs, and dairy foods. Being a vegan has more positives rather than eating too much of meat.

[ashok4ielts]

I'm not an expert and I'm also going to appear in ielts exam. Here are few remarks
You have very good command on vocabulary and experssed many ideas. Overall its very good.
It seems difficult to achieve in 40 mins in IELTS, need to reduces the size.

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I've also tried to to experess my views on this eassy as follow. Reqeust everyone to share your feedback.

Every one of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples.

From the history of human life, evolution, it is evident that our ancestors were dependent on meat. So eating non-veg has been an integral part of our diet. I disagree that everyone should become vegetarian, but at the same time I accept that non-veg food causes serious health issues. These opinions are expressed in below paragraphs in above mentioned order.

On the one hand, it is crucial to maintain the ecosystem among human and other species. For instance, if the consumption of eatable lives is diminished, then this will result in a drastic increase in such species. This will surely impact in a negative way to damage the natural equilibrium. Therefore, it is not necessary to become non-vegans.

From the previous section, it is described that one can include meat in their food, however, it is important to be aware of what is being consumed. For instance, it is impossible to know how the non-veg item is produced and from which type of living beings. In these commonly faced scenarios, people can become victim of health issues. Another example that we all have been witnessing throughout the globe is the Epidemic case of Ebola virus which seems to be originated by eating of bats as declared by research studies. It is understood that eating non-vegetarian food has serious concerns on people's health.

It is opined that importance of balance between human and other living beings and awareness to avoid health problems on usages of non-vegetarian foods. It has been proven that there is no need for entire humanity to be vegetarian and in contrast it has serious health concerns for meat eaters. It is recommended that careful eating of non-vegetarian is always a healthier option.

[rama.gundla]

Dear Ashok could you help me in writing I am going to appear on Nov 22nd.

[IELTS Liz]

Hi,

You've got very good vocabulary as well as grammar. The problems you have are with Task Response (25%) and Coherence and Cohesion (25%). The comments below will help you improve in these criteria.

Task Response
1. You have only 40 mins to plan and write the essay
2. Your essay is too long - aim for between 260 and 280 words
3. Aim for either 2 or 3 body paragraphs which means 2 or 3 main points. That gives you enough words to develop each idea equally.
4. Plan your ideas and analyse the statement. You must answer the question - Do you think eating meat is bad for health? Do you think everyone should become vegetarian.? Here would be my main points:

Body Paragraph A: Eating meat does not cause health problems as long as people eat mostly white meat and don not eat meat too often.

Body Paragraph B: People should try to eat more vegetarian food but not necessarily have a completely vegetarian diet.

Coherence and Cohesion (Paragraphing and Linking)

1. You have used some very good linkers in this essay but repeating linkers lowers your band score.
2. Make sure each body paragraph has a unique main point.

On the whole, you have the potential to get over band score 7. Work on your task response and organisation of ideas into appropriate paragraphs.
All the best,
Liz

[harshaabba]

thanks a lot for your valuable responses.

[pardeep singh]

Dear Ashok could you help me in writing I am going to appear on Nov 22nd.

your essay is extremely well dear..

[albertwygant]

Your essay is interesting, I read your essay properly. If you need to know more about the writing structure then you can go through with custom essay writing service, you can get some sample paper here. So that you can improve your writing.