PLEASE GIVE FEEDBACK.. MY EXAM IS ON 12TH JULY.. PLEASE ASAP

[argho1985]

Question: Some people feel that entertainers ( eg, film stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? which other type of Job should be highly paid?

Now a days entertainers are been remunarised with heafty dollars for their performace.The topic discussed above needs a opinion that whether they should be paid heavily constantly or not. In my opinion, in order to gain public confidence, entertainers should be provided with money which is been finalised between them and event organisers.

To begin with, there are many brand which are been promoted in the market on a daily basis which fails in generating awareness. There brands are however endorsed by film stars so that people can associate themselves with the brans and with corresponding star. For example, homebrands of Pantaloons, a Indian FMCG chain are been advertised by Salman Khan, a leading film star in Indian industry and in return he is paid around 1 lac for every promotion he does. This as a result provides the brand getting noticed in the market. Furthermore, there are many situation where brand fail to get recalled by consumer's. In order to get the start up companies profitable , management spends money on promotional material covering major amount in hiring films stars as a part of their promotional strategy. Therefore, it can be visualised that no matter money plays a important role in film stars life, it in directly develops fans base for them and also helps brands entering into niche market.

Although, film stars are paid for their actions, there are certain sectors which are often overlooked. Jobs like, community service where people who are working volunteerily are paid less. These people generates a belongingness in the community by doing many promotional activities and they should be paid or sponsored by other community service orgnaisation so that they can make a difference in the society.For example, community service members of Frankston, aims in helping old people who are living alone or abandoned by their kids. This, therefore results in people getting concerned about other people survival.

Therefore, in conclusion, it is clear that, entertainers like film starts should be paid heavily as they act as a advertising medium for small brands which are struggling to survive in the competitive market. However, community service jobs should be revamped and people should be paid more so as to create a good and strong community.


PLEASE COMMENT AND GRADE THIS.. I AM VERY TENSED BECAUSE I WROTE THIS LANGUAGE IN THE EXAM TOO ON 7TH JUNE AND GOT ONLY 5 IN WRITING

PS: PLEASE REPLY ASAP

THANKS
ARGHO

[allen_zhang]

Too many mistakes were made and very hard to understand. I will just try to comment on the first paragraph.

Now a days entertainers are been remunarised with heafty dollars for their performace.The topic discussed above needs a opinion that whether they should be paid heavily constantly or not. In my opinion, in order to gain public confidence, entertainers should be provided with money which is been finalised between them and event organisers.

"Nowadays" is a single word.
"are been remunarised" ?
" heafty dollars "?
"The topic discussed above needs a opinion that whether they should be paid heavily constantly or not.", I don't understand this sentence.
"In my opinion, in order to gain public confidence, entertainers should be provided with money which is been finalised between them and event organisers."
this one is also hard to understand.

You tried too much to use complicated words, however, most of them are wrongly used.

Suggestions:
1. Just try simple words and sentences.
2. Pay more attention to your grammar.

[argho1985]

Hi Allen,

Thanks for your prompt reply,

I understand what you said and will use simple and short sentences.

Its a request , can you please read the whole essay and critisise rather than just giving comment on first para.

Thanks
Argho

[argho1985]

Hi Flick,

Can you please grade my essay which I have posted over here.

I am getting very nervous.

Thanks
Argho

PLEASE grade ASAP