technology develops traditional skills die out

[Aditi]

Dear friends,

please read this essay and indicate my mistakes. please let me know how much band i can receive from this essay

thanks


When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and the way of life die out. It is pointless to try to keep them alive.
To what extend do you agree or disagree.

No one can deny the power of technology in the modern society; however, it is the cause for the dying ancient skills and the way of life. Some tend to believe it’s worthless to preserve traditional skills, while it is disagreed for the following reasons.

Firstly, some traditional arts are linked with countries pride and strength, take “martial arts” as an example. It was originated during Xia dynasty, more than 4000 years ago in China. In this twenty first century people wish to learn it for being physically and mentally fit, some even learn this for defence purpose. Besides Chinese people, other nations are also promoting this art, which shows huge respect for the Chinese people and is pride for them. So, this skill should be alive for the sake of the nation and its citizens.

Secondly, due to advancement in technology people are able to do distance learning. But, this trend cannot replace traditional method of teaching where teachers and students have a close relation as a family and the way teacher explain to its pupils are more understandable than by computer technology. In addition, many people writing skills are poor due to usages of software like, Microsoft word where spelling are auto corrected and sentence are checked for grammatical mistakes. This clearly indicates that technology is decreasing our memory power and our learning skills which our ancestors left for us.

To sum up, although, technology has become one of the important aspects of our lives; it cannot eliminate the power of ancient methods of learning and teaching. People should learn some skills either to promote their countries pride or for their self-achievements.

[durai]

Good essay,

every point is clear and refer back to central topic, however minor grammar mistakes and choice of words at places make bit incoherence.

looks definitely band 6.5 , may go to band 7. ( I am not an assessor)

Durai

[Flick]

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and the way of life die out. It is pointless to try to keep them alive.
To what extend do you agree or disagree.

No one can deny the power of technology in modern society. However, it is the cause for the dying out of ancient skills and way of life. Some tend to believe it’s worthless to preserve traditional skills, but many people disagree with this belief for the following reasons.

Firstly, some traditional arts are linked with a country's pride and strength. Take martial arts as an example. It originated during the Xia dynasty, more than 4000 years ago in China. In the twenty first century people wish to learn it to become physically and mentally fit, and some even learn it as a method of self defense. Besides Chinese people, other nations are also promoting this art, which shows huge respect for the Chinese people and pride for them. So, this skill should be kept alive for the sake of the nation and its citizens.

Secondly, due to advancements in technology, people are able to take part in distance learning. But this trend cannot replace the traditional method of teaching where teachers and students have a close relationship and the way the teacher explains to his or her pupils are more understandable than by computer technology. In addition, many people's writing skills are poor due to usages of software like Microsoft word, where spelling isauto corrected and sentences are checked for grammatical mistakes. This clearly indicates that technology is decreasing our memory power and the learning skills which our ancestors left for us.

To sum up, although technology has become one of the most important aspects of our lives, it cannot eliminate the power of ancient methods of learning and teaching. People should learn some skills either to promote their country's pride or for their self-achievements.