T2 - reduce car accident

[allen_zhang]

I used 43 minutes on this essay.
since it was under pressure, I didn't figure out better solutions on reducing car accidents. I just talked about education and didn't give an example.
please review my essay.

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures should be more effective in improving road safety.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In recent years, there is a dramatic increase on car accidents all over the world, and it has become one of the leading causes of mortality. People have different views on what is the best solution to reduce road accident and improve road safety. While some people believe that stiff punishment is the most effective measure to tackle this problem, I believe that there are other equally important solutions.

To begin with, it is agreed that tough penalty has a deterring effect on these potential driving offenders and, therefore can reduce road accidents. To take China as an example, 2 years ago, Chinese government enacted a new drunk driving law which changed the definition of drunk driving from civil law offence to criminal law offence. After this new low taking effect, there is a significant drop on the number of car accidents across the country. From this example, it is clear that stiff punishment is a highly effective solution to the increasingly serious road safety problem.

However, besides punishment, I believe that there are other measures that can be taken in handling this problem. One important solution would be educating drivers and children on the importance of driving safely. Many drivers do not know how risk it could be to drive under influence and to drive over speed. Showing them the numbers of victims and pictures of accident scenes could let them drive more cautiously in the future. More importantly, such kind of education could be more effective on children, who will be future drivers. They could be less likely to offend traffic laws if they are educated about the consequence of car accidents at a young age.

To conclude, from my perspective, tough penalty is an effective way to reduce car accidents, but other solutions like education are of the same importance.

[durai]

In recent years, there is a dramatic increase on car accidents all over the world, and it has become one of the leading causes of mortality. People have different views on what is the best solution to reduce road accidents and to improve road safety. While some people believe that stiff stiff? strict (is fine, here) punishment is the most effective measure to tackle this problem, I believe that there are other effective solutions. here , its incomplete available to curb road accidents.

i think you have said two problems in your intro, road accidents and road safety. but on your thesis, you said this problem, ' could be "these problems".

To begin with, it is agreed that tough penalty has a deterring effect on these potential driving offenders and, therefore can reduce road accidents. To take China as an example, 2 years ago, the Chinese government enacted a new drunk i think it should be ' drink driving law' driving law which changed the definition of drunk driving from civil law offence to criminal law offence. i didn't like this sentence, it has uncecessari information for the tasl, such as when category of the law changed. After this new low ? taking effect, there is a significant drop on the number of car accidents across the country. From this example, it is clear that stiff punishment is a highly effective solution to the increasingly serious road safety problem. if you think, there is are other solutions, then you need to change the concluding sentence of this para, From this, it is clear that severe punishments is one of the effective solutions to increase safety and reduce road accidents.

However, besides punishment, I believe that there are other measures that can solve this problem. One important solution would be educating drivers and children i would say " educating young drivers instead of 'children'on the importance of safe driving. Many drivers unaware how risk it could be to drive under the influence of alcohol and to drive over speed. Showing them the number of victims and pictures of accident scenes could let them drive more cautiously in the future. More importantly, such kind of education could be more effective on children, who will be future drivers. you saud, it si effective on children, how you say that, where is the proof. They could be less likely to offend traffic laws if they are educated about the consequence of car accidents at a young age. how you say this, no examples discussed

To conclude, from my perspective, heavy penalty is an effective way to reduce road accidents, but other solutions like education are of the same importance. but, educating drivers also play significant role in the reduction of such accidents


I am afraid that this essay may not have the traits of band 7, you can check with IELTS correction service.
In this essay the sentence structure is not concise and succinct, that puts some difficulty in understanding. try your next one....

I try to post my essay on the same topic soon...

[allen_zhang]

Hi, Durai,
I am on my phone now.
Just a short reply.
DUI ,under influence driving, is a good phrase.