T2 - nursing home

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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allen_zhang
Posts: 362
Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am

T2 - nursing home

Post by allen_zhang »

Some believe elder people should live in nursing homes, other think they should live with the younger family members.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.


It is quite a controversial topic of discussion on whether senior family members should live with their children or go to a nursing home. While some people strongly disagree with the idea of sending their parents to nursing home, I, however, believe that this might be an acceptable option for many families.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons why some are against nursing home. Firstly, in many societies, especially in some Asian countries, taking care of old family members is highly valued and most people live with their children when they are old. Sending parents to a nursing home would be seen as morally wrong and should be criticized. Secondly, many old people do not want to go to a nursing home because they will feel that they are old and no longer needed by their family in that case. Also, their own home and neighborhood are where they have lovely memories about. It is the place where they grew up, had their children, raised their family, had their friends. It would be very hard for them to give up all these things.

However, modern societies have changed these days and nursing home has sometimes become necessary to many families. To begin with, it is often impractical for many young adults to take care of parents nowadays, especially when these senior family members are in bad health conditions. For example, many families have just one or two children who may work in other places that are far from where their parents live. These young people just do not have the time to take care of their parents. Furthermore, nursing homes are highly professional institutions which can provide better services to their clients. For instance, in these institutions, old people can receive 24 hour monitoring, professional medical care and they will have the opportunity to socialize with other people at their age. Thus, living in a nursing home could be beneficial to the well-being of old people.

In conclusion, from my point of view, in spite of certain concerns, it seems to me that nursing home is probably a good option for many families.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
durai
Posts: 401
Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 6:35 pm

Re: T2 - nursing home

Post by durai »

It is quite a controversial topic of discussion on whether senior family members should live with their children or go to a nursing home. While some people strongly disagree with the idea of sending their parents to a nursing home, however, I ( this one sounds easy to read) believe that this might be an acceptable option for many families.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons why some are against the nursing home. Firstly, in many societies, especially in some Asian countries, taking care of older family members are highly valued and most people live with their children when they are old. Sending parents to a nursing home would be seen as morally wrong and should be criticized. Secondly, many old people do not want to go to a nursing home because they will feel that they are old and ignored by thier family. Also, their remove 'own' home and neighborhood are the places where they have lovely memories about different things. It is the place remove ' where' they grew up, had their children, raised their family, had their friends, these words inappropriate . It would be very hard for them to give up all these things.

However, modern societies have many facilities these days, and nursing home has sometimes become necessary to many families. To begin with, nowadays it is often impractical for many young adults to take care of their parents , especially when these senior family members are in bad health conditions. For example, many families have just one or two children who may work in faraway places. These young people just do not have the time to take care of their elder ones. Furthermore, nursing homes are highly professional institutions which can provide better services to their clients. For instance, in these institutions, old people can receive 24 hour monitoring of their health, professional medical care and they will have the opportunity to socialize with other people at their age. Thus, living in a nursing home could be beneficial to the well-being of old people.

In conclusion, from my point of view, in spite of certain concerns, it seems to me that nursing home is probably a good option for many families.




repeated words:

home 9 times
nursing 9
many 7
people 7


looks band 7, i am not sure
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
Johnson zhang
Posts: 153
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 8:34 am

Re: T2 - nursing home

Post by Johnson zhang »

Some believe elder people should live in nursing homes, other think they should live with the younger family members.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.


It is quite a controversial topic of discussion on whether senior family members should live with their children or go to a nursing home. While some people strongly disagree with the idea of sending their parents to nursing home, I, however, believe that this might be an acceptable option for many families. doesn't make sense

On the one hand, there are two main reasons why some are against ,who are? nursing home. Firstly, in many societies, especially in some Asian countries, taking care of old family members is highly valued and 'and' here is bit strange most people live with their children when they are old. Sending parents to a nursing home would be seen as morally wrong and should be criticized. Secondly, many old people do not want to go to a nursing home because they will feel that they are old and no longer needed by their family in that case. Also, their own home and neighborhood are where they have lovely memories about. It is the place where they grew up, had their children, raised their family, had their friends. It would be very hard for them to give up all these things.

However, modern societies have changed these days and nursing home has sometimes become necessary to many families.wordy, and confusing To begin with, it is often impractical for many young adults to take care of parents nowadays, especially when these senior family members are in bad health conditions. For example, many families have just one or two children who may work in other places that are far from where their parents live. These young people just do not have the time to take care of their parents. Furthermore, nursing homes are highly professional institutions which can provide better services to their clients. For instance, in these institutions, old people can receive 24 hour monitoring, professional medical care and they will have the opportunity to socialize with other people at their age. Thus, living in a nursing home could be beneficial to the well-being of old people.

In conclusion, from my point of view, in spite of certain concerns, it seems to me that nursing home is probably a good option for many families. weak
Nothing is impossible! Band score 9 is certainly not.
durai
Posts: 401
Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 6:35 pm

Re: T2 - nursing home

Post by durai »

Hi Johnson Zhang,

Please provide comments with a little more detail on mistakes because your comments don't make sense with one such word.

If there is a mistake, please comment with your explanation, then only your thinking would reach us.

I assume you understand what I mean. Don't take it hard.


Durai
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
Johnson zhang
Posts: 153
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 8:34 am

Re: T2 - nursing home

Post by Johnson zhang »

hi durai, ,i know what you mean

but I m not gonna do the work for him. I only want to give away my opinions.

I think if you or allen zhang want some real improvement, keeping testing yourself on diff. topics is not gonna work out as you expected.

I ve been working on my essays with ryan. The improvement I've been getting is real and noticeable.

Writing a lot of essays with systematic wrong approaches is just gonna waste you guys' time in my opinion
Nothing is impossible! Band score 9 is certainly not.
allen_zhang
Posts: 362
Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am

Re: T2 - nursing home

Post by allen_zhang »

@Johanson,
If you see Durai's writing scores: 6->6.5->7, you would not say so.
Different teachers apply different approaches and different people have different problems. For non-native speakers, one big problem is the vocabulary. They need to practice more to improve their vocabulary, whereas native speakers just need to know about some strategies.

Try to be nice and less arrogant. Let's see who will get 7 first.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
Johnson zhang
Posts: 153
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 8:34 am

Re: T2 - nursing home

Post by Johnson zhang »

I would be happy if you all got a 7 or more. :)

My opinion stands the same, your guys' essay writing skills aren't getting better, stay about the same
Nothing is impossible! Band score 9 is certainly not.
atmahesh
Posts: 52
Joined: Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:53 pm

Re: T2 - nursing home

Post by atmahesh »

I concur with " Johnson zhang " advice.
allen_zhang
Posts: 362
Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am

Re: T2 - nursing home

Post by allen_zhang »

What I want to say is : try to be more helpful and give constructive advice rather than comments like below.
I don’t agree the opinion that entertainers, e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports starts, are paid too much money.
weak intro

I think the entertainers deserve to be paid with high salary. Firstly, famous entertainers must be very talent and outstanding compared to others. Secondly, famous entertainers must put a lot of effort on their work to be famous. Thirdly, famous entertainers make a lot fun to the people which is beneficial for the society. Lastly, famous entertainers can earn a lot of money for organizers or companies. In fact, there is indeed some entertainers who get good pay but without paying effort. However, most of them must work hard in order to get better salary.
weak

Besides entertainers, I think people working in other field should also get good pay. For instance, clinical doctors should get good pay. Because they are working for human-a very complex biological system. To be a doctor, you have to have MD training with very hard study and very high tuition. You have to have about 5 years clinical training with low salary and hard work before you become an independent doctor. As a doctor, you have to scarify your own time and most effort to patients. And also it is not like working in the other field, most of doctors have to take night-shift or work in emergency room and ICU (intensive care unit). I think doctors should earn more salary too.very weak

In general, amount of salary paid should relay on the amount of the effort put and the time spent by the people.

this one is pretty bad.....you have a long way to go
It seems that you are the only strong guy here, while I didn't see any clue of it.
What if he just need 5? An essay reaches the desired score is the best essay.

BTW, I sent all my essays to my tutor and my scores range from 7.5 to 9.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
durai
Posts: 401
Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 6:35 pm

Re: T2 - nursing home

Post by durai »

Hi Johnson Zhang,

Thanks for your strong comments that we cannot improve our writing with such approach.

But, I would say that commenting each essay gives the writer some knowledge of making correct sentences. For example, I learned many things from Allen's essay and he also commented that my essay has a strong structure, only word choice and grammar is leading me behind.

Every essay writer has some specific skills and strategy to write, even band 9 can make some mistakes. If they make 2 mistakes may be band 9, 5 mistakes band 8, 10 mistakes band 7.....

Forum here is to exchange ideas and improve in some way to get a desired score. Your comments don't help anyone because it is meaningless, not specific. Many people from this forum email their essays to me because they feel my comments are worth for them even though I informed that I am not an assessor, My comments may not suit for band 8 candidates but for band 5,6 and 7.

If you advise everyone to work with Ryan, then just give one line comment for a student's essay that " please contact Ryan" as your response.

Thanks and regards
Durai
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
mustafa.sariya
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri May 16, 2014 8:34 pm

Re: T2 - nursing home

Post by mustafa.sariya »

Some believe elder people should live in nursing homes, other think they should live with the younger family members.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Can anybody comment?

The question of whether the senior member shall stay with children or go to a nursing home is a debateable issue. Some consider the act of sending their parents to nursing home as morally wrong while others are compelled to do so. Both the views will be discussed in the following paragraph.
Firstly, due to the traditional custom it is believed that young members in family are required to shoulder the responsibility of the senior members in their old age. For instance, Asian societies like India considers it as morally unacceptable act to send their parents to nursing home and will be criticised for such actions by the societies. Such fear refrains individuals to send their parents to nursing home. Thus we now understand why people prefer to standby and support their parents in their old age.
However, on number of occasion, circumstance calls for the senior members to stay at nursing home. For instance, if the children’s are working far away from the place where parents live it is difficult to take care of them. Thus it is better and advantageous for the senior parents to stay in nursing home, since they are highly professional institution, will provide better medical care and elder people get an opportunity to socialise with people of same age group. Therefore we can argue that in some cases it is an acceptable situation for the families to admit their parents to nursing home.
In conclusion, the decision on whether parents should go to nursing home or stay with their children is subjective and each case of the facts should be analysed before drawing the conclusion. It is predicted that the moral values will remain and children’s will not resort to sending parents to nursing home unless compulsory.
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