T2 - globalization

[allen_zhang]

Number of companies that are selling their products worldwide is increasing. Does this phenomenon have more advantages or disadvantages?

It is true that more and more international companies and enterprises are expanding their business to almost every corner of the world. While this trend has certain drawbacks, I believe the overall benefits of it outweigh its disadvantages.

On the one hand, the expansion of multinational companies poses a threat to local businesses. To take China’s car industry as an example, in the 1990s, the Chinese government opened its automobile market to foreign countries and then Japanese cars started to flood into China. As a result, many local Chinese car makers suffered tremendously from the significant drop in their profit. It was hard for them to compete with those Japanese brands because of the lower price and higher quality of these Japanese cars. From this example, we can see that the impact of foreign products could be damaging to the local businesses of a country.

On the other hand, there are also many benefits accompanying this trend. To begin with, consumers can directly benefit from the introduction of foreign products as these large companies usually can provide cheaper and higher quality products as well as better services. Furthermore, local businesses can also learn advanced technologies and management experiences from these international companies. Let’s look at Chinese automobile industry again, after suffering about 10 years from the impact of the introduction of foreign cars, several Chinese brands started to reclaim their losing land in this business because they improved the quality of their products by adopting new technologies and management.

To conclude, from my perspective, although the expansion of international businesses could pose a certain threat to local industries in a short term, it is more beneficial to consumers and the global economy in a long run.

[durai]

It is true that more and more international companies and enterprises are expanding their business to almost every corner of the world. While this trend has certain drawbacks, I believe the overall benefits of it outweigh its disadvantages.

well, you started as the argument essay, but you proceeded as discussion. If you outline what you going to do then the examiner may not lose track

For this essay, you may have something like this This essay will look at both sides before a reasoned conclusion is drawn . Otherwise, change the transition word to " To begin with, " so you can still achieve essay coherence.
On the one hand, (To begin with,) the expansion of multinational companies poses a threat to local businesses. Take China’s car industry as an example, the Chinese government opened its automobile market to foreign countries in 1990 and then Japanese cars started to flood into China. As a result, many local (any one , not both)Chinese car makers suffered tremendously from the significant drop in their profit. It was hard for them to compete with those Japanese brands because of the lower price and higher quality of these Japanese cars. From this example, we can see that the impact of foreign products could be damaging to the local businesses of a country. sentences are not concise and succinct. Try simpler with only one clause per sentence.

On the other hand, there are some substantial benefits accompanying this trend. To begin with, consumers can directly benefit from the introduction of foreign products as these large companies usually remove 'can' provide cheap and high quality products as well as better services. Furthermore, it enables local businesses to learn advanced technologies and experience them in managing different things from these international companies. Let’s look at the Chinese automobile industry again, after suffering about 10 years from the impact of the introduction of foreign cars, several Chinese brands started to reclaim their losing land in this business because they improved the quality of their products by adopting new technologies and management. I suggest to use one idea and explain it very deeply, so you attain full task response.

To conclude, from my perspective, although the expansion of international businesses could pose a any one " a or certain" if you use certain then " threats" certain threat to the local industries in a short term whereas in a long run it is more beneficial to consumers and the global economy

[allen_zhang]

Thanks,Durai.

A few discussions:
#1

This essay will look at both sides before a reasoned conclusion is drawn .

I really don't like this sentence, because it can be used in any argument essay and I never see it in Cambridge books.
As I learned from another teacher, when the question is " Does this phenomenon have more advantages or disadvantages", you can write on both sides.

#2

Take China’s car industry as an example

"To take sth. as an example" is a good expression. Simon (Ielts teacher) uses it very often.

#3

1990s means the decade from 1990 to 1999.

#4

From this example, we can see that the impact of foreign products could be damaging to the local businesses of a country. sentences are not concise and succinct. Try simpler with only one clause per sentence.

This sentence is clear to me..

#5

some substantial

I like this one!

#6

"technology and management experience"

This is a phrase which I often here in Chinese. I am not sure if it applies to English.

#7

I suggest to use one idea and explain it very deeply, so you attain full task response.

In Simon's Sample essay, he often includes 3 ideas in one paragraph. I am following his methods. But I do have the feeling that I didn't explain my first idea well. It would be better to explain my second idea first with examples and then comes the first idea with less elaboration. I did it under pressure, so I didn't change it.

#8

the local industries

I don't think the "the" is needed.

#9

whereas in a long run

Nice!