Academic Writing Task 1. Could you check it?

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AntonS
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri May 16, 2014 12:06 pm

Academic Writing Task 1. Could you check it?

Post by AntonS »

I would appreciate if anybody give me some insight in what should I correct and what kind of words and phrases should I use to get 7+ in IELTS. If there are any grammatical mistakes, please, mention it. ;)

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Given are two figures concerning using computer technologies from 2002 to 2010. Albeit the first picture provides data on percentage of computer holders, the second indicates the same information comparing with erudition for 2002 and 2010. 

It is apparent from information supplied that trend of holding computers become more popular with time. Thus, number of people who owned computers in 2002 climbed from about 60 percent to approximately 70% in 2006. Nevertheless, this technology did not become less popular by 2010, but had a gradually increasing to approximately 80 percent.

In accord to the second picture, there was a correlation between qualities of education among humans with computers at their homes in those two periods. Thereby, there was a similar quantity of computer owners with a higher education including postgraduates with approximately 75 and 90 percent in 2002 and 2010, respectively. It is also evident, that people without education were computer holders rare than educated males and females. As can be seen, there was a mere of about 10 and approximately 40 percent of computer owners without high school diploma.

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Microsoft Word - BC_AC_WRITING_Test_1_Q_reformatted.d - Writing_practice_test_1_IELTS_Academic_questions.pdf 2014-05-31 18-43-45.png
Microsoft Word - BC_AC_WRITING_Test_1_Q_reformatted.d - Writing_practice_test_1_IELTS_Academic_questions.pdf 2014-05-31 18-43-45.png (114.84 KiB) Viewed 639 times
AntonS
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri May 16, 2014 12:06 pm

Re: Academic Writing Task 1. Could you check it?

Post by AntonS »

What do you think, guys?
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