task 2 < anyone there?>

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durai
Posts: 401
Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 6:35 pm

task 2 < anyone there?>

Post by durai »

Number of companies that are selling their products worldwide is increasing. Does this phenomenon have more advantages or disadvantages?

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Over the last decade, the number of international companies who trade their products worldwide has significantly increased the world over. While some opine that this trend has numerous benefits, others believe that it has significant drawbacks. This essay is an attempt to examine both sides before arriving at a satisfactory outcome.

On the unitary hand, there are many advantages of global companies, and one of them is the availability of different products with a variety of choices and with affordable price. For example, if the number of T-shirt manufacturers in China increases, then there would be a heavy competition among them and, as a result, the buyers from Australia would benefit with various factors such as design, quality and price. Besides this, there will be more employment opportunities globally than any other time. Thus, it is clear that there are some substantial benefits of this increase with worldwide competing manufacturers.

On the other hand, many contend that the primary disadvantage of such drift is the destruction of local factories. For instance, Coco-Cola, a multinational fellowship and a drink maker has been marketing its products in nearly all places around the globe and due to its mass production they offer real inexpensive price for their beverages. With such low prices, many drink manufacturers in India such as Gold Spot has struggled to compete and closed down at the end. So, local factories would be negatively affected by such global increase of industries.

To sum up, there are pros and cons of the companies who market their merchandise all over the world. To my mind, such phenomenon has more benefits than drawbacks because global organisations are benefiting people in several ways.
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allen_zhang
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Re: task 2 < anyone there?>

Post by allen_zhang »

Hi Durai,
First of all, all your essays are fitted into a same template. I hate it;It makes me feel bored. However,this might be the reason why you get a higher score than me. I always can't not manage to finish my essay on time in the real test.

You grammar control is better than before. I haven't find many mistakes.


[quote]Number of companies that are selling their products worldwide is increasing. Does this phenomenon have more advantages or disadvantages?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the last decade, the number of international companies who trade their products worldwide has significantly increased the world over. While some opine that this trend has numerous benefits, others believe that it has significant drawbacks. This essay is an attempt to examine both sides before arriving at a satisfactory outcome.

Well, I didn't find any grammatical problem in this paragraph,but I just simply hate it. :-)


On the unitary hand, there are many advantages of global companies, and one of them is the availability of different products with a variety of choices and with affordable price. For example, if the number of T-shirt manufacturers in China increases, then there would be a heavy competition among them and, as a result, the buyers from Australia would benefit with from? I am not 100% sure various factors such as design, quality and price. Besides this, there will be more employment opportunities globally than any other time.<--How could you draw this conclusion?Thus, it is clear that there are some substantial benefits of this increase with of? I am not 100% sure worldwide competing manufacturers.

Again, no major grammatical errors.
I will just change a little like this:
if the number of T-shirt manufacturers in China increases, then there would be a heavy competition among them and, as a result, the buyers from Australia would benefit with various factors such as design, quality and price.

the increase of the number of T-shirt factories in China will create a heavy competition among these manufacturers and, as a result, people from the rest of the world can enjoy products with better quality and and lower price.



On the other hand, many contend that the primary disadvantage of such drift is the destruction of local factories. For instance, Coco-Cola, a multinational fellowship and a drink maker has been marketing its products in nearly all places around the globe and due to its mass production they offer real inexpensive price for their beverages. With such low prices, many drink manufacturers in India such as Gold Spot has had -:because it was closed struggled to compete and closed down at the end. So, local factories would be negatively affected by such global increase of industries expansion of international enterprise.

still, pretty good paragraph.

To sum up, there are pros and cons of the companies who market their merchandise all over the world.(pros and cons of company?) To my mind, such phenomenon has more benefits than drawbacks because global organisations are benefiting people in several ways.[/quote]

As far as I am concerned, this essay is really boring, but it is constructed in a highly effective way and the quality is pretty good. I am considering if I will need to choose your strategy!
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durai
Posts: 401
Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 6:35 pm

Re: task 2 < anyone there?>

Post by durai »

Thanks Allen,

Even I get bored to use the same sentences, but this way I can save some time to think of good points with rich vocabulary and correct some grammar errors. So far, in my test I never had more than 1 minutes to check my work. The time I check my work for at least 5 minutes would give me band 7+
That is the reason I am following the same model, so that I don't worry about structure of the whole essay, just concentrate on points and examples.

If you look Ryan's essays, all them looks similar in terms of structure, I am following his one.

employment opportunities, ----I shouldn't include that sentence- without examples. I completely agree.

In conclusion- pros and cons of the increase in the number of companies....


Durai
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