Essay task 2 -- Writing Test

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gkm90
Posts: 28
Joined: Mon May 12, 2014 1:13 am

Essay task 2 -- Writing Test

Post by gkm90 »

Hello,

I would like a review.
Thanks in advance. :D

Gustavo

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Topic:
Even though globalization affects the world's economics in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.

40minutes -- 250 words
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Economy in the world nowadays is strongly influenced by the globalization effects, with the improvement of transportation and communication, reach the other side of the planet was never this easy. However there are also drawbacks that should not be overlooked. In this essay we are going to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of a world fully connected.

Obviously globalization has much more benefits rather than drawbacks, first of all, one of the most important advantage is the economy development that worldwide companies can provide to underdeveloped countries, exchanging cheaper labor with jobs opportunities in the international market and skilled training.

In addition, international companies are also searching for expert professional overseas when these cannot be found in their own territory, by this fact it also contribute to increase the jobs competitiveness overseas, therefore, professionals from all over the world will improve themselves in order to match the worldwide jobs vacancies.

In the other hand, the easy access to foreign labor can damage the local economy, corporations most of the times prefer to contract an oversea employee, which has a lower wage, rather than a local employee. For this reason this kind of the decision cannot be only taken by the corporation, it should also have a government approval to prevent damages to the country economy structure.

In conclusion globalization advantages overweight the drawbacks, in the last decades many underdeveloped countries achieved high scores in the world wide economy system due to the benefits of globalization, in order to minimize the disadvantages government supervision is strongly needed.
Johnson zhang
Posts: 153
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 8:34 am

Re: Essay task 2 -- Writing Test

Post by Johnson zhang »

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Last edited by Johnson zhang on Sun Aug 24, 2014 8:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
Nothing is impossible! Band score 9 is certainly not.
gkm90
Posts: 28
Joined: Mon May 12, 2014 1:13 am

Re: Essay task 2 -- Writing Test

Post by gkm90 »

Hi John,
Thank you again for your thoughs!
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Gustavo
durai
Posts: 401
Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 6:35 pm

Re: Essay task 2 -- Writing Test

Post by durai »

Nowadays, world economy is strongly influenced by the effects of globalization, with the improvement of transportation and communication. Reaching the other side of the planet was never this easy. However, there are also drawbacks that should be overlooked. This essay will ( avoid personal pronoun, 'we') discuss the advantages and disadvantages of globalization ( don't use synonyms when you explain what is the theme of the essay, use them in the body paragraphs

On the one hand, globalization has much more benefits than drawbacks. First of all, one of the most important advantages is the economic development by worldwide companies that provide to underdeveloped countries, exchanging cheaper labor with jobs opportunities in the international market and skilled training. thiss sentence is long and meaningless. try short sentences , make meaning clear

In addition, international companies are also searching for expert professionals overseas when they cannot be identified in their own territory. It also contribute to increase in the job's competitiveness overseas. Therefore, professionals from all over the world will improve themselves in order to match the worldwide jobs vacancies. I don'y find any relation between your theme that is globalization an dthis paragraph. Without linking your point to the central part of essay, you essay may lack coherence and thereby reduce TR score.

On the other hand, an easy access to foreign labor can damage the local economy. Corporations most of the times prefer to contract an oversea employee who gets lower wagethan a local employee. For this reason this kind of the decision cannot be only taken by the corporation, it should also have a government approval to prevent damages to the country's economic structure.

In conclusion, the advantges of globalization overweigh the drawbacks. In the last decades many underdeveloped countries achieved high scores in the world wide economy system due to the benefits of globalization. In order to minimize the disadvantages, government supervision is strongly needed.

Go through many essays and learn how to make grammatically flawless sentences. Dont worry about vocabulary at this stage.

try simple and compound first. Try complex once you know how to make simple sentences and compound correctly.

also , learn how to structure your essay becasue with good structure you can answer well in test conditions.


The above esssay would be around band 5 to 5.5( I am not an assessor)
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
gkm90
Posts: 28
Joined: Mon May 12, 2014 1:13 am

Re: Essay task 2 -- Writing Test

Post by gkm90 »

Thanks Durai! :)
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