[WRITING TASK 2] Please comment about my essay

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thuynguyen
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 1:32 pm

[WRITING TASK 2] Please comment about my essay

Post by thuynguyen »

Topic: Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilitis. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. Discuss both these viewws and give your own opinoin.

What would happen if people did exercises without any sports equipments? We must acknowledge that thanks to the development of sports facilities, public health can be improved significantly. However, it is said that good sports facilities do not affect to people's health as much as other measures. Both these views will be discuss in this essay

We can not deny modern sports equipments which make people more excited about playing sports. In my opinion, doing exercises with a walking machine in a gym room installed air conditioner is more interesting and comfortable than walking in the park. Especially, machine supporting sports encourage childen playing sports because they are ussually curious at what they see. Furthermore, the development of sports facilities in both of numbers and quality help people who do not have so much free time to practise exercises while studying or working. For example, a lot of Vietnamese use a machine operating when they hold it around their bell and turn it on. This machine massages your muscles so that your body feel relaxing and refreshful like playing sports. In addition, putting sports equipment in the park support the older to improve their health, because old people hardly ever go to sport center than going tho to park

Beside sports facilities, ther are other measures helping improve people's health. I stronglt believe that pollution environment causes sinusitis, water pollution causes diarrhoea,...Therefor, to improve public health, we should have some effective approaches to keep and protect environment. For instant, sinusitis is one of the most popular disease in Vietnam dua to air pollution from traffic. Not only pollution but the unsafety food and drink also has bad effects on people's health. A 12-year-old boy in the UK died because eeating foods that include a large number of E.coli. The more unsafe foods we take, the higher risk of having diseases even death we take. Above all, the most important issue to improve public health is knowledge and awareness of a healthy lifestyle of every people. If people live in clear atmosphere, have modern sports facilities, take safe food and drink; however, human do not know how to keep their health, that would be worse. Avoiding bad habits such as staying up late, using alcohol, tobacco,...and doing exercises regularly are best way to improve public health.

Although there are a lot of things having influences on people's health, preparing and equiping with good knowleddge and awareness of a great lifestyle are very effective approach to keep our health and improve public health.

That is my essy. Please give your opinions about it and give the score (if you want). Thank you so much :D
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Flick
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Re: [WRITING TASK 2] Please comment about my essay

Post by Flick »

thuynguyen wrote:Topic: Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

What would happen if people did exercise without any sports equipment? We must acknowledge that, thanks to the development of sports facilities, public health has improved significantly. However, it is said that good sports facilities do not affect people's health as much as other measures. Both these views will be discussed in this essay

We can not deny modern sports equipment has made people more excited about playing sports. In my opinion, doing exercise with a walking machine in a gym with an installed air conditioner is more interesting and comfortable than walking in the park. Also, machines supporting sports encourage children to play sports because they are usually curious about the machines. Furthermore, the development of sports facilities in both numbers and quality help people who do not have so much free time to exercise while studying or working. For example, a lot of Vietnamese use a machine that they hold around their stomach and turn it on. This machine massages your muscles so that your body feels relaxed and refreshed like playing sports. In addition, putting sports equipment in the park encourage older people to improve their health, because fewer old people go to sport centers than go to the park.

Beside sports facilities, there are other measures helping improve people's health. I strongly believe that pollution in the environment causes sinusitis, water pollution causes diarrhoea, etc. Therefore, to improve public health, we should have some effective approaches to protecting and maintaining the environment. For instant, sinusitis is one of the most common (<-- 'popular' suggests people like this disease. It has a positive feeling.) disease in Vietnam due to air pollution from traffic. Not only pollution but unsafe food and drink also has bad effects on people's health. A 12-year-old boy in the UK died because he ate foods that included a large number of E.coli. The more unsafe foods we take, the higher the risk of catching diseases or facing death. Above all, the most important issue to improve public health is knowledge and awareness of a healthy lifestyle. If people live in a clean atmosphere, have modern sports facilities, only have safe food and drink; however, many humans do not know how to keep their health. Avoiding bad habits such as staying up late, using alcohol, tobacco, etc, and doing exercises regularly are the best ways to improve public health.

Although there are a lot of things that influence people's health, preparing and equipping people with good knowledge and awareness of a great lifestyle are very effective approaches to keeping our health and improving public health.

That is my essy. Please give your opinions about it and give the score (if you want). Thank you so much :D
thuynguyen
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 1:32 pm

Re: [WRITING TASK 2] Please comment about my essay

Post by thuynguyen »

Thank you so much Flick :)
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