Hi. Please evaluate my writing. Thank you .

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Mohamad Faramarzi
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2021 5:14 pm

Hi. Please evaluate my writing. Thank you .

Post by Mohamad Faramarzi »

Some people think it is better to choose friends who always have the same opinions as them. Other people believe it is good to have friends who sometimes disagree with them.

While it is preferred by some to have like-minded friends, I completely agree with others who would rather having friends with contradictory ideas since they can improve one’s quality of life.

Some people like to have friends with similar ideas and interests because they think life would be easier and more fun this way. They believe when a problem pops up, friends with in common ideas would support their points of view and help them to come up with the greatest solutions. This kind of supportive friendships will make one more confident while facing difficulties, and would boost their chance of success. Moreover, when it comes to having fun, friends with the same interests would enjoy more. Since they have alike pastimes, they would easily choose an activity to do, or a place to go without any disagreements or negotiations resulting in taking the most out of it. A recent study by National Psychology concluded that people who surround themselves by friends with the same ideas and interests are typically more confident and are three times happier than others.

On the other hand, others, myself included, argue that friends with opposite points of view and pastimes are the best. This is because, in case of a problem, this kind of friendship enables one to see the problem from a totally different perspective, which will aid them to analyse the issue thoroughly and completely, and eventually opt the best solution. Obviously, this is the best and the most productive way to deal with difficulties in life. Additionally, different-minded buddies will make life more interesting since they can challenge one’s boundaries. My best friend,Ali, is super adventurous, but I have my best times hanging out with him despite having completely cautious and conservative personality. Last month, for instance, he forced me to do bungee jumping. I would never do this, if he had not forced me to try, and I have to say that it was my best experience in life.

In conclusion, some choose like-minded friends because they make them more confident and relaxed in life and help them to enjoy more. However, as far as I am concerned, the best mates are the ones with opposite opinions since they help one to be more productive as well as more adventurous.
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goldcoastielts
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Re: Hi. Please evaluate my writing. Thank you .

Post by goldcoastielts »

IELTS 2.0+ course : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/course
IELTS essay check : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/essays
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YouTube - Task 2 Academic - "SENTENCE PAIRS" : https://youtu.be/1P2Wo6Y65bA



Thanks for your submission Mohamad Faramarzi!! Please see my rewrite below ... :ugeek:

While it is preferred by some to have like-minded friends, I completely agree with others who would rather HAVE friends with contradictory ideas BECAUSE THIS CAN HELP THEM improve THEIR quality of life.

Some people like to have friends with similar ideas and interests because they think life would be easier and more fun this way. They believe when a problem pops up, friends with (delete 'in') common ideas would support their points of view and help them to come up with the greatest solutions. THESE KINDS of supportive friendships will make one more confident while facing difficulties, and would boost their chance of success. Moreover, when it comes to having fun, IT IS EASIER TO ENJOY WITH FRIENDS WHO SHARE YOUR INTERESTS. Since they have SIMILAR pastimes, IT WOULD BE VERY EASY TO CHOOSE AN ACTIVITY, or a place to go without any disagreements (delete 'or negotiations resulting in taking the most out of it'). A recent study by National Psychology concluded that people who surround themselves WITH friends with the same ideas and interests are typically more confident and are three times happier than others.

On the other hand, others, myself included, argue that friends with opposite points of view and pastimes are the best. This is because, in case of a problem, this kind of friendship enables one to see the problem from a totally different perspective, which will HELP them to analyse the issue thoroughly and completely, and eventually opt FOR the best solution. Obviously, this is the best and the most productive way to deal with difficulties in life. Additionally, FRIENDS WHO THINK DIFFERENTLY will make life more interesting since they can challenge one’s boundaries. My best friend,Ali, is EXTREMELY adventurous, but I have my best times hanging out with him despite having A completely cautious and conservative personality. Last month, for instance, he forced me to do bungee jumping. I would never do this, if he had not forced me to try, and I have to say that it was my best experience in life.

In conclusion, some choose like-minded friends because they make them more confident and relaxed in life and help them to enjoy more. However, as far as I am concerned, the best FRIENDS are the ones with opposite opinions since they help one to be more productive as well as more adventurous.



:ugeek: This is s great essay. The grammar is extremely accurate, with some small errors when it comes to prepositions and adjectives. Keep it up! :ugeek:

Advice:
1. It would probably be better to avoid informal phrasal verbs like "pop up" and adjectives that can only be used after the be verb like "alike".
2. Try not to add unnecessary words at the end of sentences just to increase the word count ("or negotiations resulting in...").
3. I think the essay is definitely too long and wordy, so next time try to reduce the word count and write with more economy.

Band-score:
TA: 7.0 (Too long. See the YOUTUBE video above and learn how to write sentence pairs for better and shorter IELTS body paragraphs)
G: 8.0
V: 7.5 (too many informal words like 'mate' and 'buddy')
CC: 8.0
Anthony Schultz :arrow: :arrow:
Full-time IELTS teacher | Gold Coast, Australia
www.goldcoastielts.com
Mohamad Faramarzi
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2021 5:14 pm

Re: Hi. Please evaluate my writing. Thank you .

Post by Mohamad Faramarzi »

Hello Mr Schultz
Thank you very much for your precious time,
your generous work, and the invaluable feedback.
I really appreciate it. Watched your video, it was excellent.
Thank you so much.
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goldcoastielts
Posts: 206
Joined: Mon Aug 03, 2020 1:34 am
Location: Gold Coast, Australia
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Re: Hi. Please evaluate my writing. Thank you .

Post by goldcoastielts »

Thank you!
Glad it could help you on your IELTS journey...
Anthony Schultz :arrow: :arrow:
Full-time IELTS teacher | Gold Coast, Australia
www.goldcoastielts.com
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