TOPIC:
Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
ANS:
There is a constant debate going on whether adult life brings more happiness or teenage life. To me, life is the best during your early years. This essay will discuss both the opinions and give a conclusion based on rational examples.
On one hand, grown-ups have some decent advantages. Firstly, adults have the freedom and do not need permission to go somewhere. They are masters of their own will and take decisions as required. Secondly, silly things don't matter to them anymore. For instance, grown-ups do not care about gossip going on around the neighborhood since they are now dealing with "real" problems. However, with great power comes great responsibilities. Even with all the independence, they struggle to find happiness due to their obligations. They are also under constant mental pressure due to their work and family. In addition to that, due to their growing age, they start suffering from myriad health conditions.
On the other hand, young age is valuable in one's life because it is completely free of tension. Children do not have to deal with problems such as - cooking food, going to work, saving money, etc. Moreover, because of their adolescent age, they are void of most medical issues. Recently Cambridge University conducted a survey on life-satisfaction among several age groups and found that teenagers were the most content across their sample set. These results also seem to make a lot of sense because all that a child cares about is studies and extra-curricular activities.
To summarize, both the age-groups have various plus points. If one group has autonomy, the other group could live worry-free. Given all the arguments, I strongly believe that life without any tension is better than the adult worry-some life.
(289 words)
Task 2, please evaluate and give your valuable feedback
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mrbombastic
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goldcoastielts
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Re: Task 2, please evaluate and give your valuable feedback
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Thanks for your submission mrbombastic!! Please see my rewrite below ...
There is a constant debate going on ABOUT whether adult life brings more happiness THAN (delete "teenage") life AS A TEENAGER. To me, life is the best during your early years. This essay will discuss both (delete "the") opinions and give a conclusion based on rational examples.
On THE one hand, grown-ups have some decent advantages. Firstly, adults have the freedom and do not need permission to go ANYWHERE. They are masters of their own will and ARE ABLE TO MAKE decisions as required. Secondly, silly things don't REALLY matter to them anymore. For instance, grown-ups do not care about gossip going on around the neighborhood since they are now dealing with "real" problems. However, with great power comes great responsibilities. Even with all the independence, they struggle to find happiness due to their obligations. They are also under constant mental pressure due to their work and family COMMITMENTS. In addition to that, due to their growing age, they start suffering from myriad health conditions, SUCH AS ...
On the other hand, (delete "young age is") THE YOUNGER YEARS OF A PERSON'S LIFE ARE valuable (delete "in one's life") because THEY ARE completely free of tension. Children do not have to deal with problems such as (DELETE "-") cooking food, going to work, AND saving money (delete ", etc"). Moreover, because (delete "of their adolescent age") THEY ARE ADOLESCENTS, they are DEVOID of most medical issues. IN FACT, (delete "Recently") Cambridge University RECENTLY conducted a survey on life-satisfaction among several age groups and found that teenagers were the most content across their sample set. These results also seem to make a lot of sense because all that a child NEEDS TO CARE about is studies and extra-curricular activities.
To summarize, both the age-groups have various POSITIVE points. If one group has autonomy, the other group could live worry-free. Given all the arguments, I strongly believe that life without any tension is better than the WORRISOME adult (delete "worry-some") life.
This is a really great task 2! The ideas are very well developed, and the grammar and structure are great. Much better than your first one!
Advice:
1. Maybe add a concluding sentence to your first body. It doesn't feel finished.
Band-score:
TA: 8.0
G: 7.5
V: 8.0
CC: 8.0
IELTS essay check : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/essays
Online IELTS lessons : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/lessons
IELTS Freebies!! : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/freebies
YouTube - "Task 2 - Essay Plan" : https://youtu.be/HYk8Y35SG0k
Thanks for your submission mrbombastic!! Please see my rewrite below ...
There is a constant debate going on ABOUT whether adult life brings more happiness THAN (delete "teenage") life AS A TEENAGER. To me, life is the best during your early years. This essay will discuss both (delete "the") opinions and give a conclusion based on rational examples.
On THE one hand, grown-ups have some decent advantages. Firstly, adults have the freedom and do not need permission to go ANYWHERE. They are masters of their own will and ARE ABLE TO MAKE decisions as required. Secondly, silly things don't REALLY matter to them anymore. For instance, grown-ups do not care about gossip going on around the neighborhood since they are now dealing with "real" problems. However, with great power comes great responsibilities. Even with all the independence, they struggle to find happiness due to their obligations. They are also under constant mental pressure due to their work and family COMMITMENTS. In addition to that, due to their growing age, they start suffering from myriad health conditions, SUCH AS ...
On the other hand, (delete "young age is") THE YOUNGER YEARS OF A PERSON'S LIFE ARE valuable (delete "in one's life") because THEY ARE completely free of tension. Children do not have to deal with problems such as (DELETE "-") cooking food, going to work, AND saving money (delete ", etc"). Moreover, because (delete "of their adolescent age") THEY ARE ADOLESCENTS, they are DEVOID of most medical issues. IN FACT, (delete "Recently") Cambridge University RECENTLY conducted a survey on life-satisfaction among several age groups and found that teenagers were the most content across their sample set. These results also seem to make a lot of sense because all that a child NEEDS TO CARE about is studies and extra-curricular activities.
To summarize, both the age-groups have various POSITIVE points. If one group has autonomy, the other group could live worry-free. Given all the arguments, I strongly believe that life without any tension is better than the WORRISOME adult (delete "worry-some") life.
This is a really great task 2! The ideas are very well developed, and the grammar and structure are great. Much better than your first one! Advice:
1. Maybe add a concluding sentence to your first body. It doesn't feel finished.
Band-score:
TA: 8.0
G: 7.5
V: 8.0
CC: 8.0
-
mrbombastic
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2021 2:30 am
Re: Task 2, please evaluate and give your valuable feedback
This is some great feedback.
Thank you so much, Ryan! I really appreciate you taking the time to review my essays.
Thank you so much, Ryan! I really appreciate you taking the time to review my essays.