TOPIC:
Today more people are traveling than ever before.
Why is this the case?
What are the benefits of traveling for the traveler?
Give reasons and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
ANSWER:
Humans get tired of daily routine very quickly. So, to get a break from work, people have started going places. Even if it is for a short time, a little break always helps recharge our brains. In 2019, traveling increased like never before, and technology has played a crucial role in this.
Earlier, it was tough to navigate and go from one place to another. However, with the help of digital maps, it has been getting easier to reach anywhere. Smartphones and the internet have helped revolutionize the entire travel industry. Travelers can now book tickets with the click of a button, but earlier it was difficult to do so. Language is no longer a barrier. With the help of applications that can help translate, travelers can communicate seamlessly with locals. There was this one time when I went to China, and I had trouble communicating with the local people. That is when I downloaded an app called "lingo", and I could talk to them without any difficulty.
Traveling has also benefitted people around the world. Due to the ease of traveling, they can now explore places and learn about the culture of different countries. They have also started understanding myriad traditions and cuisines. Traveling helps develop a sense of respect for one another and helps gain a diverse vision. I visited Indonesia in April 2019, and my views towards Buddhism changed after going to the Buddha temple and reading about their cultural history.
Technology has helped ease travel anxiety among people. It has also helped travelers in many ways and is helping build diverse cities. I am sure that in the upcoming years the trend of traveling will continue to rise, and will benefit people across the nations.
Task 2 - Please evaluate and give valuable feedback
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mrbombastic
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goldcoastielts
- Posts: 206
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Re: Task 2 - Please evaluate and give valuable feedback
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YouTube - "Task 2 - 4-SENTENCE BODY PARAGRAPH" : https://youtu.be/URgbF79DfqU
Thanks for your submission mrbombastic!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
IT IS A FACT THAT humans get tired of daily routine very quickly, AND, to get a break from work, people have started going places. Even if it is for a short time, a little break always helps recharge our brains. In 2019, traveling increased like never before, and technology has played a crucial role in this.
B1:
IN EARLIER TIMES, it was tough to navigate and go from one place to another. However, with the help of digital maps, it has been getting easier to reach any PLACE IN THE WORLD. Smartphones and the internet have helped revolutionize the entire travel industry AND travelers can now book tickets with the click of a button WHICH WAS earlier MUCH MORE difficult to do so. Language is ALSO no longer a barrier. With the help of applications that can help translate, traveLlers can communicate seamlessly with locals. There was this one time (a little informal) when I went to China, and I had trouble communicating with the local people. That is when I downloaded an app called "lingo", (delete "and I could talk to them without any difficulty") WHICH MADE TALKING WITH THEM MUCH EASIER.
B2:
Traveling has also benefitted people around the world. (delete "Due to the ease of traveling") BECAUSE IT IS NOW SO EASY TO TRAVEL, they can (delete "now") explore places and learn about the culture of different countries. PEOLE have also started understanding myriad traditions and cuisines OF DIFFERENT REGIONS. Traveling helps develop a sense of respect for one another and ALSO helps PEOPLE gain a MORE diverse vision. FOR INSTANCE, I visited Indonesia in April 2019, and my views towards Buddhism changed after going to the Buddha temple and reading about their cultural history.
CONC:
IN CONCLUSION, technology has helped ease travel anxiety among people. It has also helped travelers in many ways and is helping build diverse cities. I am sure that in the upcoming years the trend of traveling will continue to rise, and will benefit people across the nations.
Great general task 2. I would just say try to focus on the way you use connecting language. And also add a little more detail in the B2. The introduction and conclusion were both great.
Advice:
1. Try to use more effective linking language. Sometimes you used single word connectors when a multiple-word connector would have made the flow better.
2. The question did not really ask about how technology relates to travel, but I think your B1 still worked quite well. I think your B1 was a little stronger than the B2 because of the examples you used. In the B2 you just listed your points without really expansing on them very much (except for the part about Indonesia). Check out the YouTube video for help on this!
3. Sometimes your short sentences felt very choppy. This makes it sound very robotic, so try to connect sentences whenever possible.
Band-score:
TA: 6.0
G: 7.0
V: 7.5
CC: 5.5
IELTS essay check : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/essays
Online IELTS lessons : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/lessons
IELTS Freebies!! : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/freebies
YouTube - "Task 2 - 4-SENTENCE BODY PARAGRAPH" : https://youtu.be/URgbF79DfqU
Thanks for your submission mrbombastic!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
IT IS A FACT THAT humans get tired of daily routine very quickly, AND, to get a break from work, people have started going places. Even if it is for a short time, a little break always helps recharge our brains. In 2019, traveling increased like never before, and technology has played a crucial role in this.
B1:
IN EARLIER TIMES, it was tough to navigate and go from one place to another. However, with the help of digital maps, it has been getting easier to reach any PLACE IN THE WORLD. Smartphones and the internet have helped revolutionize the entire travel industry AND travelers can now book tickets with the click of a button WHICH WAS earlier MUCH MORE difficult to do so. Language is ALSO no longer a barrier. With the help of applications that can help translate, traveLlers can communicate seamlessly with locals. There was this one time (a little informal) when I went to China, and I had trouble communicating with the local people. That is when I downloaded an app called "lingo", (delete "and I could talk to them without any difficulty") WHICH MADE TALKING WITH THEM MUCH EASIER.
B2:
Traveling has also benefitted people around the world. (delete "Due to the ease of traveling") BECAUSE IT IS NOW SO EASY TO TRAVEL, they can (delete "now") explore places and learn about the culture of different countries. PEOLE have also started understanding myriad traditions and cuisines OF DIFFERENT REGIONS. Traveling helps develop a sense of respect for one another and ALSO helps PEOPLE gain a MORE diverse vision. FOR INSTANCE, I visited Indonesia in April 2019, and my views towards Buddhism changed after going to the Buddha temple and reading about their cultural history.
CONC:
IN CONCLUSION, technology has helped ease travel anxiety among people. It has also helped travelers in many ways and is helping build diverse cities. I am sure that in the upcoming years the trend of traveling will continue to rise, and will benefit people across the nations.
Great general task 2. I would just say try to focus on the way you use connecting language. And also add a little more detail in the B2. The introduction and conclusion were both great. Advice:
1. Try to use more effective linking language. Sometimes you used single word connectors when a multiple-word connector would have made the flow better.
2. The question did not really ask about how technology relates to travel, but I think your B1 still worked quite well. I think your B1 was a little stronger than the B2 because of the examples you used. In the B2 you just listed your points without really expansing on them very much (except for the part about Indonesia). Check out the YouTube video for help on this!
3. Sometimes your short sentences felt very choppy. This makes it sound very robotic, so try to connect sentences whenever possible.
Band-score:
TA: 6.0
G: 7.0
V: 7.5
CC: 5.5
