Task 2: Please evaluate and give your valuable feedback

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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lucifer169
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Nov 18, 2020 5:24 pm

Task 2: Please evaluate and give your valuable feedback

Post by lucifer169 »

Task 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about this topic.
People should work a fixed number of hours per week, and employers should not ask anybody to work more than this.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.



A constant debate that has plagued working individuals since the industrial revolution is whether it is ok for employers to ask their employees to work more than a fixed number of hours per week, and more importantly, is it necessary for the employees to abide by it. Being an employed individual myself, I am strongly against this notion of extra work.

The general standard for a full-time employee is 40 hours per week, this is the amount of hours an employee is paid for by the company. Wanting the employees to work more hours without paying them for it is just unethical. This, unfortunately, is the sad truth about the working culture in a lot of countries like India, China, USA, and more where the government doesn’t have strict rules about working without pay. This, in my opinion, is nothing short of modern slavery and must be abolished.

Having a pre-determined number of working hours promotes the employees for having a good work-life balance. They can plan their week accordingly and ensure that they give enough time to both their work and family. Forcing them to work more than that might cause a strain on their personal life, and in some severe cases, might cause them to burn out.

There might be instances, like manning a store on Black Friday, that is crucial to a company’s business and might require certain trained employees, like the support staff, to work extra hours. In these situations, the company should award these employees handsomely for their extra hours and should only ask an employee to work if they do it voluntarily. No one should be coerced into working extra hours due to the fear of losing their jobs.

Even though certain situations warrant employees working extra hours per week, employers should avoid asking employees to work more than the fixed pre-determined number of hours per week as much as possible and the employees should feel comfortable enough to push back such requests without the fear of losing their jobs.
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goldcoastielts
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Re: Task 2: Please evaluate and give your valuable feedback

Post by goldcoastielts »

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Thanks for your submission lucifer169!! Please see my rewrite below ... :ugeek:

INTRO:
A constant debate that has plagued working individuals since the industrial revolution is whether it is ACCEPTABLE for employers to ask their employees to work more than a fixed number of hours per week, and more importantly, WHETHER IT IS necessary for the employees to abide by SUCH RULES. Being an employed individual myself, I am strongly against this notion of extra work.

B1:
AS A RULE, the general standard for a full-time employee is 40 hours per week, AND this is the NUMBER of hours an employee is paid for by the company. EXPECTING the employees to work more hours without paying them for it is SIMPLY unethical. This, unfortunately, is the sad truth about the working culture in a lot of countries like India, China, THE USA, and OTHERS where the government doesn’t have strict rules about working without pay. This, in my opinion, is nothing short of modern slavery and must be abolished.

B2:
FURTHERMORE, having a pre-determined number of working hours HELPS the employees MAINTAIN a good work-life balance. They can plan their week accordingly and ensure that they give enough time to both their work and THEIR family. Forcing them to work more than that might cause a strain on their personal life, and in some severe cases, might EVEN cause them to burn out.

B3:
FINALLY, there might be instances, like manning a store on Black Friday, WHEN IT is crucial to a company’s business and might require certain trained employees, like the support staff, to work extra hours. In these situations, the company should REWARD these employees handsomely for their extra hours and should only ask an employee to work if they do it voluntarily. No one should be coerced into working extra hours due to the fear of losing their jobs.

CONC:
TO CONCLUDE, even though certain situations warrant employees working extra hours per week, employers should avoid asking employees to work more than the fixed pre-determined number of hours per week as WHEREVER/WHENEVER possible and the employees should feel comfortable enough to push back such requests without the fear of losing their jobs. :D "agreed"



:ugeek: A very very good essay. It is probably too long, so please focus on reducing the word count to not more than 280 or so. The Task Achievement and Grammar were especially good. :ugeek:

Advice:
1. "number of + hours" / "amount of + time"
2. I replaced quite a number of words where there were better choices available, and also added some words where it seemed to enhance the reader's experience.
3. I did add some linking language at the beginning of the three bodies and also the conclusion. This really does add to the academic feel of the essay and will improve the score for sure.

Band-score:
TA: 8.5
G: 8.0
V: 7.5
CC: 7.0
Anthony Schultz :arrow: :arrow:
Full-time IELTS teacher | Gold Coast, Australia
www.goldcoastielts.com
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