Task 2: "Computers will replace teachers in the classroom" Please evaluate.

[EvaKim]

Computers are used more and more widely in education and some people believe that teachers now play a less importantrole in the classroom than ever before. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

The education system in many developed countries has been advancing rapidly. Now it is common to use computers as a major mean of studying. For some, it means that AI will eventually occupy the places of many teachers, as the latter will have less of a value in the modern classroom. In my view, no piece of technology will ever replace crucial human interaction in the process of learning.

It is true that these days AI has developed to the point where it has limitless power. With help of neuro network it is now possible to create the most intricate pieces of art, to compete with sports champions in the game of chess, and teach them to solve the most complicated mathematical computations. Thus, it will not be a problem to integrate AI into the classroom in schools and universities to perfect the quality of education. In fact, some institutions would not be functioning to the full capacity without computers at all.

But do people really find computer's power essential in studying subjects? However important computers are, there is one weakness that they will never manage to handle. And it is an emotional aspect of human-AI interaction. Throughout the years, programmists have been faced with the issue of how to make computers feel. People could create state-of-the-art pieces of technology, yet one single aspect would be left unreached: the emotional response to different inputs. To exemplify this, computers would not be programmed to react on people's individual needs, say, what if one needs emotional support in difficult times? Or when they need genuine, non-programmed, praise from their mentor? That is still something that needs a real human to human response.

To conclude, computers have certainly enhanced the overall quality of education, but with no hesitation I believe that they will never substitute teachers.

word count: 302

[goldcoastielts]

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YouTube - "TASK 2 3-SENTENCE CONCLUSIONS" : https://youtu.be/sJUv_jUk0WA



Thanks for your submission EvaKim!! Please see my rewrite below ...


INTRO:
The education system in many developed countries has been advancing rapidly. Now it is .. IT IS NOW common to FIND PEOPLE EVERYWHERE usING computers as a major mean of .. ONE OF THEIR MAIN MEANS OF studying. For some, THIS means that AI will eventually occupy the place (delete 's' because teaching is one kind of occupation) of many teachers, as the THEY will have less (delete 'of a') value in the modern classroom. In my view, no piece of technology will ever replace crucial human interaction in the process of learning.

B1:
ON THE ONE HAND, it is true that these days AI has developed to the point where it has ALMOST (limitless would be like God) limitless power. With THE help of neuro networkS it is now possible to create the most intricate pieces of art, (delete 'to') compete with sports champions in the game of chess .. CHESS WORLD CHAMPIONS, and teach them (who is this? world champions? or students? Or AI programs?) to solve the most complicated mathematical computations. Thus, it will not be a problem .. BE QUITE EASY to integrate AI into the classroom in schools and universities to RAISE the quality of education (I don't think we can ever really perfect this). In fact, some institutions would not be ABLE to FUNCTION AT THEIR full capacity without computers (delete 'at all'.

B2:
ON THE OTHER HAND, do people really find computer's power essential in studying subjects .. BELIEVE THAT THE COMPUTER POWER IS ESSENTIAL FOR EFFECTIVE STUDY? However important computers are, there is one weakness that they will never manage to SHAKE OFF/GET RID OF, WHICH is THE emotional aspect of human-AI interaction. OVER the years, programmERS have been faced with the ALMOST INSURMOUNTABLE PROBLEM of how to make computers feel. People could .. EVEN IF PEOPLE CAN create state-of-the-art (delete 'pieces of') technology, (delete 'yet') yet one single aspect would be left unreached .. IT WOULD STILL BE IMPOSSIBLE TO ACHIEVE THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT; the emotional response to different inputs. To exemplify this, computers CAN not be programmed to react TO THE individual needs OF PEOPLE, AND what if one needs emotional support in difficult times OR genuine, non-programmed, praise from their mentor? That is still something that needs a real human to human response.

CONC:
To conclude, computers have certainly enhanced the overall quality of education, but with no hesitation I believe .. I WOULD ALSO SAY WITHOUT HESITATION that they will never BE A FULL substitute FOR a competent teacher/BE ABLE TO COMPLETELY SUBSTITUTE THE ROLE OF A COMPETENT TEACHER.



Good work Eva! You sure have some great ideas and expressed them well. I would just say to watch unnatural grammatical structures..

Advice:
1. Try to begin your body paragraphs with a linking phrase like "On the one hand" or "Firstly" or "One reason for this view is that".
YouTube : https://youtu.be/slnYl_2WXjw
2. Make sure it is clear who your referencing language (like "they") is referring to.
3. Where possible, use relative clauses with "that" or "which" to connect sentences together.
4. At the end of B2 you used some language that was not a full sentence, so I joined it with 'or'. Make sure you always use full sentences.
5. The conclusion might be a bit short at only one sentence.

Band-score:
TA: 8.0
G: 7.0
V: 8.0
CC: 6.0 (Please don't start sentences with conjunctions like 'and' or 'but'!!)

[EvaKim]

goldcoastielts Thank you so much! It was really helpful to read your feedback and advice, I can now see what I need to work on!

[goldcoastielts]

Glad I could be of help to you. Good luck!!