It is often argued that traveller from different nations must accept traditions and behavior whereas others believe that the host country accept tourists culture. However, I think that visitors should learn about various cultures as well as countries should welcome several traditions.
On the one hand, there are many reasons why some people think that visitors follow the tradition of particular country. People who visit to particular country his aim to learn about that county’s culture. Most of the explorer visit different countries only to know about different cultures. Furthermore, if traveller want to live in visited country then they should follow the tradition of that nation because if they do not follow their tradition then they could not survive in that country. In addition, native people have fear to lost their culture language. For example, in Canada primary language is French but it is overwhelming by English. For that reason French language in Canada almost disappeared.
On the other hand, there are enormous reason why people believe that countries accept different culture. Firstly, it improve relationship at international level. If any country adopt various traditions then that country’s relations is better with other nations. Secondly, native people are also learnt about culture by sitting in their own nation. For example, if any country welcome various cultures, native individuals of that country will learn about their festivals, language and way of living. They also learn about different types of foods, songs and clothes.
In conclusion, both views are important because every culture have its own importance, and countries should respect all the traditions as well as accept different cultures.
Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow customs and behavior.
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raviwaraich95
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goldcoastielts
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Re: Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow customs and behavior.
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Thanks for your submission ravarawaichi95!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
It is often argued that travellerS from different nations must accept THE traditions and behaviorS OF THE COUNTRY THEY ARE VISITING, whereas others believe that the host country SHOULD accept tourists culture .. THE CULTURE OF THE TOURISTS. (delete 'However' because there are two opinions in the previous sentences), PERSONALLY I BELIEVE that visitors should learn about various cultures (delete 'as well as') AND countries should ALSO welcome DIFFERENT traditions.
B1:
On the one hand, there are many reasons why (delete 'some') people think that visitors SHOULD follow the traditionS of countrIES THEY VISIT. People who visit (delete 'to') A particular country USUALLY aim to learn about that county’s culture. Most of the explorerS visit different countries only to know about different cultures. Furthermore, if travellerS want to live in visited country .. THE COUNTRY THEY VISIT, then they should follow the traditionS of that nation because if they do not follow their traditionS then they WOULD not BE ABLE TO survive in that country. In addition, native people (delete 'have' - 'fear' is best as a verb here, not a noun) fear to lost .. LOSING their culture AND language. For example, in Canada THE primary language is French but it is overwhelming by English .. ENGLISH IS OVERWHELMINGLY SPOKEN/IT IS ENGLISH THAT IS OVERWHELMINGLY SPOKEN. For that reason THE French language in Canada almost disappeared .. HAS ALMOST DISAPPEARED IN CANADA.
B2:
On the other hand, there are MANY reasonS why people believe that countries SHOULD accept different culture. Firstly, it improve relationshipS at THE international level. If any country adoptS traditions FROM ABROAD then that country’s relations (delete 'is better') with other nations WILL BE BETTER. Secondly, native people are also learnt about culture by sitting in their own nation .. (cannot understand this one). For example, if any country welcomeS (delete 'various') OTHER/FOREIGN/DIFFERENT cultures, THE native PEOPLE IN that country will BE ABLE TO learn about their festivals, language and way of living
. They WILL/WOULD also BE ABLE TO learn about different types of foods, songs and clothes .. FOOD, SONGS, AND CLOTHING.
CONC:
In conclusion, both views are important because every culture HAS its own importance, and countries should respect all the traditions as well as accept different cultures.
Advice:
1. Make good use of modals such as 'should'
2. "go to" or "visit"
3. Most of + plural/non-count noun
4. Don't forget small words especially articles (a, the)
5. You misused the word 'various'. This word has a different meaning from 'other' or 'different'. "various" means a range of.
Really good effort. Please keep trying!!!!
Band-score:
TA: 6.5
G: 5.0
V: 5.5-6.0
CC: 5.5
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Online IELTS lessons : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/lessons
IELTS Freebies!! : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/freebies
YouTube - "TASK 2 4-SENTENCE BODY PARAGRAPH" : https://youtu.be/URgbF79DfqU
Thanks for your submission ravarawaichi95!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
It is often argued that travellerS from different nations must accept THE traditions and behaviorS OF THE COUNTRY THEY ARE VISITING, whereas others believe that the host country SHOULD accept tourists culture .. THE CULTURE OF THE TOURISTS. (delete 'However' because there are two opinions in the previous sentences), PERSONALLY I BELIEVE that visitors should learn about various cultures (delete 'as well as') AND countries should ALSO welcome DIFFERENT traditions.
B1:
On the one hand, there are many reasons why (delete 'some') people think that visitors SHOULD follow the traditionS of countrIES THEY VISIT. People who visit (delete 'to') A particular country USUALLY aim to learn about that county’s culture. Most of the explorerS visit different countries only to know about different cultures. Furthermore, if travellerS want to live in visited country .. THE COUNTRY THEY VISIT, then they should follow the traditionS of that nation because if they do not follow their traditionS then they WOULD not BE ABLE TO survive in that country. In addition, native people (delete 'have' - 'fear' is best as a verb here, not a noun) fear to lost .. LOSING their culture AND language. For example, in Canada THE primary language is French but it is overwhelming by English .. ENGLISH IS OVERWHELMINGLY SPOKEN/IT IS ENGLISH THAT IS OVERWHELMINGLY SPOKEN. For that reason THE French language in Canada almost disappeared .. HAS ALMOST DISAPPEARED IN CANADA.
B2:
On the other hand, there are MANY reasonS why people believe that countries SHOULD accept different culture. Firstly, it improve relationshipS at THE international level. If any country adoptS traditions FROM ABROAD then that country’s relations (delete 'is better') with other nations WILL BE BETTER. Secondly, native people are also learnt about culture by sitting in their own nation .. (cannot understand this one). For example, if any country welcomeS (delete 'various') OTHER/FOREIGN/DIFFERENT cultures, THE native PEOPLE IN that country will BE ABLE TO learn about their festivals, language and way of living
. They WILL/WOULD also BE ABLE TO learn about different types of foods, songs and clothes .. FOOD, SONGS, AND CLOTHING.CONC:
In conclusion, both views are important because every culture HAS its own importance, and countries should respect all the traditions as well as accept different cultures.
Advice:
1. Make good use of modals such as 'should'
2. "go to" or "visit"
3. Most of + plural/non-count noun
4. Don't forget small words especially articles (a, the)
5. You misused the word 'various'. This word has a different meaning from 'other' or 'different'. "various" means a range of.
Really good effort. Please keep trying!!!!
Band-score:
TA: 6.5
G: 5.0
V: 5.5-6.0
CC: 5.5
