Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.
The nature of work has been changed very much because of industrial revolution. Earlier people used to do more physical work while nowadays machine took man’s place and man have to do more mental work. Labor work requires muscular straingth which become tired after few hours and workers stop themselves to do the work. while in mental work there is no such sign of fatigue so people work more and more time to get extra. This extra working hours reduse leisure time and eventually it affects adversely to mental health. in this essay, I will elaborate on what are the ramifications of longer office hours.
Working longer hours can produce more goods which help the organization to achieve their goles. In return, employees are paid extra for their additional work. This money can an employee use for betterment of their progenies or spouse but in long run this extra working hours produse very bad effect to employees health. If this hard earned mony will not be used for leisure, it can be cosider as mere a piece of paper. People may become greedy but not at the cost of family time.
On other hand, working hours beyond 8 considered as non-productive. It is proved by scientific study that working more than 8 houres reduces employees’ efficiency to focus on work. leisure time is essential to rejuvenate mental potential. Although more working hours can help industries to make a huge profit, it results in deteriorating mental and physical health of community.
In conclusion, despite doing extra working hours produce win-win situation for employees and organizations its devastating effects should not be overlooked.
Writing Task 2
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Re: Writing Task 2
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Thanks for your submission ppatelronak!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
SINCE THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION, the nature of work has been changed A LOT. PREVIOUSLY, people used to do more physical work WHEREAS nowadays machineS HAVE TAKEN THE PLACE OF MEN and PEOPLE have to do more mental work. Labor (delete 'work') requires muscular STRENGTH which MAKES ONE tired after A few hours and LEADS TO workers stopPING the work. HOWEVER, WHEN IT COMES TO mental work there is no such sign of fatigue so people work more and more time to get extra MONEY. ThESE extra working hours RESULT IN LESS leisure time WHICH eventually (delete 'it') affects to mental health ADVERSELY. In this essay, I will elaborate on (delete 'what are') the ramifications of longer office hours.
B1:
Working longer hours can produce more goods which helps the organization to achieve their GOALS. In return, employees are paid extra for their additional work. This money can BE USED BY an employee TO SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN OR SPOUSE, but in THE long run THESE extra working hours produCe very bad effect ON THE health OF EMPLOYEES. If this hard earned monEy IS not used for leisure, it can be coNsiderED as A mere (delete 'a') piece of paper. People may become greedy but THIS SHOULD not BE at the cost of family time.
B2:
On other hand, working beyond 8 HOURS CAN BE considered as non-productive. It HAS BEEN PROVEN by scientific study that working more than 8 hours reduces AN employee's ABILITY to focus on work; leisure time is essential IF AN EMPLOYEE WANTS to rejuvenate THEIR mental potential. Although more working hours can help industries to make a huge profit, it results in THE deteriorating mental and physical health of A community.
CONC:
In conclusion, despite THE POSSIBILITIES OF extra working hours producING win-win situationS for employees and organizations, its devastating effects should ALSO not be overlooked.
Advice:
1. I think the introduction is too long. You could add a lot of this information to the B1 or B2. It should be less than half this length.
2. Add softening adverbs like "also" where appropriate.
3. The conclusion is too short. It should be another 10-15 words.
Don't worry too much about the scores below. Please focus on the basic advice above!! Keep trying!!!
TA: 5.0
G: 5.0
V: 5.0
CC: 5.5
IELTS essay check : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/essays
Online IELTS lessons : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/lessons
IELTS Freebies!! : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/freebies
YouTube - "TASK 2 BODY ESSAY PLAN" : https://youtu.be/HYk8Y35SG0k
Thanks for your submission ppatelronak!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
SINCE THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION, the nature of work has been changed A LOT. PREVIOUSLY, people used to do more physical work WHEREAS nowadays machineS HAVE TAKEN THE PLACE OF MEN and PEOPLE have to do more mental work. Labor (delete 'work') requires muscular STRENGTH which MAKES ONE tired after A few hours and LEADS TO workers stopPING the work. HOWEVER, WHEN IT COMES TO mental work there is no such sign of fatigue so people work more and more time to get extra MONEY. ThESE extra working hours RESULT IN LESS leisure time WHICH eventually (delete 'it') affects to mental health ADVERSELY. In this essay, I will elaborate on (delete 'what are') the ramifications of longer office hours.
B1:
Working longer hours can produce more goods which helps the organization to achieve their GOALS. In return, employees are paid extra for their additional work. This money can BE USED BY an employee TO SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN OR SPOUSE, but in THE long run THESE extra working hours produCe very bad effect ON THE health OF EMPLOYEES. If this hard earned monEy IS not used for leisure, it can be coNsiderED as A mere (delete 'a') piece of paper. People may become greedy but THIS SHOULD not BE at the cost of family time.
B2:
On other hand, working beyond 8 HOURS CAN BE considered as non-productive. It HAS BEEN PROVEN by scientific study that working more than 8 hours reduces AN employee's ABILITY to focus on work; leisure time is essential IF AN EMPLOYEE WANTS to rejuvenate THEIR mental potential. Although more working hours can help industries to make a huge profit, it results in THE deteriorating mental and physical health of A community.
CONC:
In conclusion, despite THE POSSIBILITIES OF extra working hours producING win-win situationS for employees and organizations, its devastating effects should ALSO not be overlooked.
Advice:
1. I think the introduction is too long. You could add a lot of this information to the B1 or B2. It should be less than half this length.
2. Add softening adverbs like "also" where appropriate.
3. The conclusion is too short. It should be another 10-15 words.
Don't worry too much about the scores below. Please focus on the basic advice above!! Keep trying!!!
TA: 5.0
G: 5.0
V: 5.0
CC: 5.5
