People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less
The biggest scam of the 21st century or the most smart marketing campaign has to be the incorporation of the sugary fizzy drinks into our daily lives. Though they might seem harmless on the surface and feel good to drink, the devastating effect it has is quite alarming. Even after all the red flags the number of consumers are on a sharp rise. In this essay I will further explain the reason for the said trend.
Sugary drinks have a very high levels of addiction given the enormous amount of sugar that it carries. It is of no surprise that people quickly develop a dependency and before you know it, the meal feels incomplete without it.
Moreover there are no regulations binding the age for the consumption. Which essentially means that the habit of chugging a cold fizzy drink is incorporated during our childhood. Also the availability is another factor which contributes to the ever rising number of the consumers. From small local store to a high end departmental store, all of them have a variety of cold concoctions up for the grabs.
Though it may seem hopeless, there is an escape available from the soda addiction. People should become more aware and take guidance from certified food nutritionists about what is good for consumption. Other than that there needs to be strict regulation placed on the buying and selling of the sugary drinks and increase in taxation to discourage its massive consumption. Also the deleterious effect it has on the body should be publicized more actively.
The consumption of sugary drinks has become a mammoth sized problem leaving us with a generation with problems like morbid obesity, diabetes and early set on of blood pressure to name a few. People need to educate themselves on personal levels and limit their levels of consumption if they want to save themselves from the harmful effect of the sugary drinks.
writing task 2 please evaluate
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goldcoastielts
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Re: writing task 2 please evaluate
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YouTube - "TASK 2 5-SENTENCE PARAGRAPH" : https://youtu.be/rklq2jSmHGg
Thanks for your submission leo7.5!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
The biggest scam, OR DEPENDING ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT, THE SMARTEST MARKETING CAMPAIGN, of the 21st century has to be the incorporation of (delete 'the') sugary fizzy drinks into our daily lives. ALthough they might seem harmless on the surface and feel good to drink, the devastating effectS THEY HAVE ARE quite alarming. Even after all the red flags, (comma) the number of consumers IS STILL on a sharp rise. In this essay I will further explain the reason for the said trend.
B1:
Sugary drinks have (delete 'a') very high levels of addiction given the enormous amountS of sugar that THEY ARE MADE WITH. It is of no surprise that people quickly develop a dependency ON THEM, and before THEY know it, A meal feels incomplete without ONE.
Moreover, (comma) there are no regulations CONTROLLING HOW OLD SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE TO CONSUME THESE DRINKS, which essentially means that the habit of chugging a cold fizzy drink is INCULCATED during (delete 'our') childhood. Also the availability OF THESE DRINKS is another factor which contributes to the ever rising number of (delete 'the') consumers. From small local storeS to (delete 'a') high end department (delete 'al') storeS, COLD, REFRESHING, YET SWEET CONCOCTIONS ARE ALWAYS UP FOR GRABS.
B2:
HOWEVER, though it may seem hopeless, there is an escape available from the soda addiction. People should become more aware and BE guidED BY certified food nutritionists about what is good for THEIR HEALTH. Other than that there needs to be strict regulationS placed on the buying and selling of the sugary drinks and increaseD taxation to discourage its massive consumption. Also the deleterious effect it has on the body should be publicized more actively.
CONC:
The consumption of sugary drinks has become a mammoth sized problem leaving us with a generation THAT HAS problems like morbid obesity, diabetes and THE early on-SET of blood pressure to name a few. People need to educate themselves on A personal level and limit their levels of consumption if they want to save themselves from the harmful effectS of (delete 'the') sugary drinks.
Advice:
1.Be careful about subject/verb/number (S2 and S3 of your intro).
2. Make sure you don't add unnecessary pronouns or articles to your sentences ("delete '...' ")
3. Choose carefully between prepositional phrases ('with problems like...') and relative clauses ('that has problems like...') in the conclusion.
Great essay! Congratulations. You must have worked very hard on it...
TA: 7.5 (another structure would be to offer to offer one solution in the B1, and another in the B2. Then you could explain each one in more detail, instead of just one sentence for each solution). So you could pair a reason + solution together.
G: 6.5-7.0 (too many small errors)
V: 8.0
CC: 7.0 (maybe add some linking language at the beginning of the intro and the conclusion)
Really good essay!!!
IELTS essay check : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/essays
Online IELTS lessons : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/lessons
IELTS Freebies!! : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/freebies
YouTube - "TASK 2 5-SENTENCE PARAGRAPH" : https://youtu.be/rklq2jSmHGg
Thanks for your submission leo7.5!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
The biggest scam, OR DEPENDING ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT, THE SMARTEST MARKETING CAMPAIGN, of the 21st century has to be the incorporation of (delete 'the') sugary fizzy drinks into our daily lives. ALthough they might seem harmless on the surface and feel good to drink, the devastating effectS THEY HAVE ARE quite alarming. Even after all the red flags, (comma) the number of consumers IS STILL on a sharp rise. In this essay I will further explain the reason for the said trend.
B1:
Sugary drinks have (delete 'a') very high levels of addiction given the enormous amountS of sugar that THEY ARE MADE WITH. It is of no surprise that people quickly develop a dependency ON THEM, and before THEY know it, A meal feels incomplete without ONE.
Moreover, (comma) there are no regulations CONTROLLING HOW OLD SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE TO CONSUME THESE DRINKS, which essentially means that the habit of chugging a cold fizzy drink is INCULCATED during (delete 'our') childhood. Also the availability OF THESE DRINKS is another factor which contributes to the ever rising number of (delete 'the') consumers. From small local storeS to (delete 'a') high end department (delete 'al') storeS, COLD, REFRESHING, YET SWEET CONCOCTIONS ARE ALWAYS UP FOR GRABS.
B2:
HOWEVER, though it may seem hopeless, there is an escape available from the soda addiction. People should become more aware and BE guidED BY certified food nutritionists about what is good for THEIR HEALTH. Other than that there needs to be strict regulationS placed on the buying and selling of the sugary drinks and increaseD taxation to discourage its massive consumption. Also the deleterious effect it has on the body should be publicized more actively.
CONC:
The consumption of sugary drinks has become a mammoth sized problem leaving us with a generation THAT HAS problems like morbid obesity, diabetes and THE early on-SET of blood pressure to name a few. People need to educate themselves on A personal level and limit their levels of consumption if they want to save themselves from the harmful effectS of (delete 'the') sugary drinks.
Advice:
1.Be careful about subject/verb/number (S2 and S3 of your intro).
2. Make sure you don't add unnecessary pronouns or articles to your sentences ("delete '...' ")
3. Choose carefully between prepositional phrases ('with problems like...') and relative clauses ('that has problems like...') in the conclusion.
Great essay! Congratulations. You must have worked very hard on it...
TA: 7.5 (another structure would be to offer to offer one solution in the B1, and another in the B2. Then you could explain each one in more detail, instead of just one sentence for each solution). So you could pair a reason + solution together.
G: 6.5-7.0 (too many small errors)
V: 8.0
CC: 7.0 (maybe add some linking language at the beginning of the intro and the conclusion)
Really good essay!!!
Last edited by goldcoastielts on Sun Jan 10, 2021 4:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: writing task 2 please evaluate
Thank you so much for your feedback, I will surely try to keep these points in minds. here's another one. Please evaluate.
Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
In the past people were grateful for work. However, Nowadays job satisfaction plays a key role in the professional world. There is a constant change in the dynamics of the workers. While it is true that people are not settling for less, there is still a vast majority of people who would opt for a job which is not preferably to their liking but comes with a stable income. In this essay I will highlight some of the reasons behind this trend.
With the advancement of technology, A good amount of labor and skilled workers has been replaced by robotics. This automation has led to an increase in the rate of unemployment. Subsequently, people with a lower set of skills are less critical of their jobs and are pleased at the prospect of having an income.
Moreover with the increasing economic disparity, the idea of having a sound income takes precedence over everything else. In many developing countries the concept of social welfare does not exist and an individual is left to fend for himself entirely. In those set of circumstances most people do not complain about the nature of their jobs and are happy with the daily wages that is enough to keep them afloat.
However, this is not the case everywhere. Graduates with degrees of higher education and/or specialized skills are less likely to settle for a job with lower satisfaction. They are very aware of their self worth and prefer not to settle for less. Moreover new research suggests that happier, more satisfied employees are more productive. Companies and corporations have been increasingly recognizing this phenomenon and have started to actively work for a more satisfactory employment.
In my opinion, with the changing tide, people should look for job benefits because they are putting their time which is a finite source into it. Even though job prospects might be low, a person should work on increasing their skill level and settle for a job which provides security and has additional benefits to it as well.
Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
In the past people were grateful for work. However, Nowadays job satisfaction plays a key role in the professional world. There is a constant change in the dynamics of the workers. While it is true that people are not settling for less, there is still a vast majority of people who would opt for a job which is not preferably to their liking but comes with a stable income. In this essay I will highlight some of the reasons behind this trend.
With the advancement of technology, A good amount of labor and skilled workers has been replaced by robotics. This automation has led to an increase in the rate of unemployment. Subsequently, people with a lower set of skills are less critical of their jobs and are pleased at the prospect of having an income.
Moreover with the increasing economic disparity, the idea of having a sound income takes precedence over everything else. In many developing countries the concept of social welfare does not exist and an individual is left to fend for himself entirely. In those set of circumstances most people do not complain about the nature of their jobs and are happy with the daily wages that is enough to keep them afloat.
However, this is not the case everywhere. Graduates with degrees of higher education and/or specialized skills are less likely to settle for a job with lower satisfaction. They are very aware of their self worth and prefer not to settle for less. Moreover new research suggests that happier, more satisfied employees are more productive. Companies and corporations have been increasingly recognizing this phenomenon and have started to actively work for a more satisfactory employment.
In my opinion, with the changing tide, people should look for job benefits because they are putting their time which is a finite source into it. Even though job prospects might be low, a person should work on increasing their skill level and settle for a job which provides security and has additional benefits to it as well.