please give feedback and mark the writing task 2-----------RAVIN

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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ravisajan
Posts: 15
Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:39 am

please give feedback and mark the writing task 2-----------RAVIN

Post by ravisajan »

Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Although it is sometimes thought that all countries should come together to handle the environmental issues, other people think that solving the problems at the national level is more beneficial. In my opinion, I consider that global approach should be adopted because it helps countries to design more efficient plans.

On one hand, some people think that global strategies are effective in practice and I agree. Since the participating countries will discuss the problems and find the solution keeping in mind the financial and non-financial resources present within all nations. In addition, it will help in sharing the new technologies within the countries, and even the developing countries will be benefited from such participation. Whereas in the scarcity of resources, these countries have often faced difficulties to tackle the issues, now with the exchange of knowledge and science, none will be left behind on the route of development.

On the other hand, some people believe that it is better to tackle the situation on a national level to speed up the process of overcoming problems. Since each country has its own geographical and demographical conditions, so the solution of the complexities varies accordingly. So, if the plans will be made on a national level, they will be more flexible and can be changed at any stage. It will also encourage the nations to develop their own resources, and hence decrease the dependency on other countries. Thus, in order to achieve the objectives of the country, nation wise plan are made.

In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I think that joining hands with other countries and fighting against the environmental problems as a unit will minimize their effects.
Theieltsguy
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Feb 17, 2018 8:58 am

Re: please give feedback and mark the writing task 2-----------RAVIN

Post by Theieltsguy »

Hi Ravin.

This was quite a good response. A couple of suggestions below....

I would actually delete the first paragraph. You have restated the question, and then given your opinion. The question actually asks you to "discuss both sides and give your opinion" and I think doing it in that order (discussion before your own opinion) is easiest.

Your second paragraph now becomes your first paragraph. I would delete "on the one hand" and start with "Some people think that global strategies for dealing with environmental issues are the most effective." Delete the part about "and I agree" - we will do the opinion piece last.

Your third paragraph is the discussion on a national level. Change "the situation" to "environmental problems" - each paragraph must make sense on its own, so you can't assume that the reader will know which situation you are referring to. Also "so the solution of the complexities varies accordingly" should be "so the complexity of the solution varies accordingly". This is very advanced vocabulary, and it's easy to get mixed up - you might consider using a simpler wording.

Your final paragraph now becomes your opinion piece. You could start with something like "In my view, the global approach to tackling environmental issues is more effective". You would then insert your reasons for that view, and conclude as you did in your essay above.

I hope this is helpful. You might like to check my website at www.theieltsguy.com. I offer weekly exercises, suggested answers, and feedback.

The IELTS Guy
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