Re-post : Task 2 Evaluation please

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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zeeshi16
Posts: 15
Joined: Thu May 18, 2017 11:19 am

Re-post : Task 2 Evaluation please

Post by zeeshi16 »

In today’s world, technology has altered the ways people communicate with each other. It has pervaded through our lives tremendously and has impacted relationships among people in major ways. It is argued that these effects of technology on our mundane existence can be seen as positive developments.

Since the arrival of the internet, the world has become a global village. People from across the world can interact with each other without any difficulty, a task seemingly impossible in earlier eras. It is more practical, now more than ever, to make and foster long-distance relationships. An example would be the increase in marriages among people from different countries in recent times. In addition to this, social media websites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, has made it possible to get to know our social connections better, thus strengthening our mutual ties.

Technology has provided people with opportunities to meet others of like mentalities. Dating websites allow them to interact with each other before meeting in person. Also, it leads to more offline interaction. For instance, a person can now reach out to a wider range of people through these particular websites. Technology has also revolutionized our work relationships. Corporations can ensue business partnerships from across the globe and strengthen them using emails and video chats. Similarly, artists can reach out to a wider fan-base and clientele through online shops.

In conclusion, technology has accelerated our relationships by transcending the barriers of time and distance and has made the world more inter-connected than ever.
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David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
Posts: 1371
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Re-post : Task 2 Evaluation please

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

Mundane existence? So pessimistic!

This is a good essay. There's a good range of vocabulary and grammar with relatively few errors. The points are good and clear, though they could be better developed (more detail/precision). Organisation is very clear with very good use of connectives.

The conclusion should be longer and more personal.

All the best,
David
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