Task 1 - Please assess it :)

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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biancarpin
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2014 4:48 pm

Task 1 - Please assess it :)

Post by biancarpin »

The graph presents in monetary terms the result of fours cafes localized in New York throughout last year.

It is obvious that the trends of Internet Express, Wi-fi Cafe and Cafe Cool were upward. By contrast, The Tea Room declined sharply, going from 160 million dollars to roughly 50 million dollars. The period of its major loss was between October and December.

Wi-fi Cafe was the one that climbed the most. It began the year in nearly 50 million dollars, and ended December with 190 million dollars.

Internet Express suffered a slight drop from January to July, when it began to rocket rapidly. As a result, this cafe had a gain of 40 million dollars between July and December.

At last, Cafe Cool fluctuated wildly until September. From this month on, it had a steady increase up to November and then, a sudden rise until December. This cafe had the second higher increase, going from 30 million dollars to 120 million dollars by the end of the year.
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forgary
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Apr 22, 2014 8:48 pm

Re: Task 1 - Please assess it :)

Post by forgary »

The graph presents in monetary terms the result of four cafes localized in New York throughout last year.

It is obvious that the trends of Internet Express, Wi-fi Cafe, and Cafe Cool were upward. By contrast, The Tea Room declined sharply, going from 160 million dollars to roughly 50 million dollars. The period of its major losses was between October and December.

Wi-fi Cafe was the one that climbed the most. It began the year with nearly 50 million dollars, and ended in December with 190 million dollars.

Internet Express suffered a slight drop from January to July, when it began to rocket rapidly. As a result, this cafe had a gain of 40 million dollars between July and December.

Finally, Cafe Cool fluctuated wildly until September. From this month on, it had a steady increase up to November, and then a sudden rise until December. This cafe had the second higher increase, going from 30 million dollars to 120 million dollars by the end of the year.
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Flick
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Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Task 1 - Please assess it :)

Post by Flick »

Hi biancarpin,

I have included the suggestions made by forgary in this colour, because they were valuable suggestions. Your description is very easy to follow - great job!

Flick
biancarpin wrote:The graph represents, in monetary terms, the result of four cafes in New York throughout last year. (<-- It is better to put the actual year here, because the reader might be reading this 10 years in the future.)

It is obvious that the incomes for Internet Express, Wi-fi Cafe and Cafe Cool was increasing. By contrast, income for The Tea Room declined sharply, going from 160 million dollars to roughly 50 million dollars between October and December.

Wi-fi Cafe was the most successful. It began the year withnearly 50 million dollars, and ended in December with 190 million dollars.

Internet Express suffered a slight drop from January to July, when it's income increased rapidly. As a result, this cafe had a gain of 40 million dollars between July and December.

Finally, Cafe Cool fluctuated wildly until September. From this month on, it had a steady increase up to November, and then a sudden rise until December. This cafe had the second higher increase, going from 30 million dollars to 120 million dollars by the end of the year.
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