T2. Prevention is better than cure.

[Shokir]

WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic.
"Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
You should write at least 250 words. You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.


These days significantly more people claim that government should subsidy a large proportion of health budget for health education and preventative methods, believing that prevention is allegedly better than cure.
However, they are leaving me no choice but fully disagreeing. In this essay, I will write in detail why I totally disagree with this point.
Obviously, when government expands one direction’s money allocation this may cause reduction of opposing part. Telling in particular, in our case, wages of people who cure can be cut by means of extra money allocation for preventative methods. By turn, this will lead to corruption or even worse – reluctance to cure patients. That is the main reason of why I tend to disagree the opinion – prevention is better than cure.
Another factor that impelled me not to vote for “prevention is better than cure” is that not all citizens can be emboldened to execute taught health methods or preventative measures. High probability of the disease may still exist even though, everybody is aware of the prevention methods. Afterwards, government will have to pay out two times for both prevention and cure. Moreover there are some outer factors like radiation and climate from which we cannot be prevented at all.
Taken as a whole, I completely disagree with the view of prevention is better than cure and consider spending extra money for preventative measures as wasting country’s stock.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I'm not quite sure of the meaning of the first main paragraph, but the second is based on a good argument. Leaving aside the first main paragraph, vocabulary is good, with some high-level items. Grammar is not so good, but there is a range of structures. A good range of connectives are used.

Essentially, rewrite that first main paragraph and you should have a good essay.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic.
"Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
You should write at least 250 words. You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.


These days, significantly more people claim that the government should subsidize a large proportion of health education and preventative methods, believing that prevention is better than cure. However, they are leaving me no choice but fully disagreeing.(<--Reword to: "However, I disagree with this point of view. The following essay will review the reasons why this is ineffective.") In this essay, I will write in detail why I totally disagree with this point.(<--Delete this sentence.)

Obviously, when the government allocates money to one area, another area will miss out. Telling in particular, in our case, wages of people who cure can be cut by means of extra money allocation for preventative methods.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) In turn, this will lead to corruption or even worse – reluctance to cure patients.(<--Why?) That is the main reason why I tend to disagree with the opinion that prevention is better than cure.

Another factor is that not all citizens are willing to learn about and adopt healthy methods or preventative measures. There is a high probability that a disease may still exist even though everybody is aware of the prevention methods. Afterwards, the government will have to pay out twice: for both prevention and cure. Moreover, there are some external factors, like radiation and climate, which cannot be prevented at all.

In conclusion, I completely disagree with the view that prevention is better than cure. I also feel that spending extra money on preventative measures is wasting the country’s money.